


5 Times Tony Had Steve's Back, and 1 Time Steve had Tony's

by itsallAvengers



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: 5+1 Things, And Aint That Relatable, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, BAMF Tony Stark, Basically Just 22k Worth Of Protective Boyfriends, But like very very mild, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Getting Together, Hurt Steve Rogers, Hurt Tony Stark, Hurt/Comfort, I'm Sorry This Is Just 22k Worth Of Tony Being A Protective Boyfriend, M/M, Oblivious Steve Rogers, Oblivious Tony, POV Steve Rogers, Panic Attacks, Pre-Slash, Protective Steve Rogers, Protective Tony Stark, Slow Burn, Steve Can't Talk To Other Humans, Steve Has Issues, Steve Needs To Get His Head Out Of His Ass, Steve Rogers Feels, Steve Rogers Has PTSD, Steve gets kidnapped, The Avengers Are Good Bros, Tony Is Always Saving Steve's Ass, Tony Loves The Team, Tony Stark Feels, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Torture, Very Mild non-con, and Steve - Freeform, kidnap
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-14
Updated: 2016-08-19
Packaged: 2018-08-08 18:30:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 25,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7768567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsallAvengers/pseuds/itsallAvengers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As it turns out, Steve gets himself into a lot more shit than you would think. And for some reason, it's always Tony who ends up saving his sorry ass.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So basically this is 20k's worth of me saying a big 'fuck you' to all the people who think Tony is selfish. Enjoy :)

1:

Steve hated galas. In fact, he hated any PR event that he was always forced to attend. They were loud and fancy and involved too many people he didn’t know, all with different motives. It unnerved the soldier in him (not to mention the socially awkward tiny-Steve that had never gone away, even after getting super-serumed up.)

That’s why, three months after all the Avengers have moved into the tower and Tony tells them all that they’re needed to appear at an annual function for the Maria Stark Foundation, Steve has to take a few deep breaths and bite back a sigh. His USO days were only remembered with a taste of sickness in his mouth and the feeling of shakes wracking through his body. He had always hated public speaking of any kind, and the thought of having to sit and socialize with people he didn’t know for hours truly horrified him.

He didn’t know what was wrong with him. Everyone else was fine with public outings except him. Because even the serum couldn’t fix some things.

 

But he always goes. Because he is Team Leader, and he has to set a good example.

(Unfortunately.)

 

“It won’t be that bad, Steve, I promise.” Tony reassured him, hurrying along to keep up with Steve’s long strides.

Steve just raised one singular eyebrow, and continued forward.

“Okay, okay, it’s gonna be a full night of absolute shit- buuuuuuutttt, it’s for a good cause! And Steve Rogers _LOVES_ good causes, right? Good causes turn him on.” Tony continues, smirking at the sight of red crawling up Steve’s cheeks.

That always happened whenever Tony flirted with him. He didn’t know why, it’s not like he was embarrassed by anything dirty, like Tony thought was the reason behind it. It was just the fact that…well, it was _Tony_. Pretty, funny, charming, who-smelt-like coconut-and-was-way-out-of-Steve’s-league Tony.  
(But let’s not go there yet. Denial is a beautiful thing.)

 

“What part of me being there will benefit the cause? I can’t even ask the waiters to bring me a spoon, how the fuck am I ever expected to schmooze with all the big-boys and girls of New York? That’s your job, Mr. I-can-stop-wars-with-my-charm-and-pizzazz Stark.” Steve replied, wishing that he was walking toward his room just because he wanted to go to bed, and not because he had to get his dress uniform ready for the first time since coming out of the ice.

“Okay, well there are so may topics I want to bring up about that last sentence, but I am going with the most important one first- did you actually just say pizzazz? Like, un-ironically?” Tony asked, beginning a light jog as Steve’s pace increased.

“Tony?”

“Yes, dear?”

“I hate you.”

“Why thank you,”

“I don’t think that was a compliment, Tony.”

“You don’t think? You were the one who said it, you should probably know.”

“Okay. I hate you and it was definitely not a compliment because it is 100% true and you are the worst person I have ever had the misfortune of meeting in my 90-odd years of existence. you also have a weird beard. Goodbye.” Steve said, rolling his eyes and grinning a little as he jogged off toward his bedroom in order to escape from the maniac who was now running to keep up with him.

“Awww, Stevie, baby, you wound me. And thE BEARD IS NOT WEIRD, IT’S FASHIONABLE YOU IGNORANT HERMIT!” Tony shouted, as Steve turned into his room and willed himself not to look back at Tony’s laughing face.

 

 

The room was huge, and insanely crowded. People drifted in and out, mingling and socializing with drinks in their hands and smiles on their faces. Steve knew that he should probably talk to some people- these folks loved Captain America, and that usually meant that their wallets were much looser than they would be for anyone else.

So he sidled up to a nearby conversation and put in a smile or two, dropped a few names and said a few words, and then moved on to the next crowd of people, trying to quell the constant unease in his stomach.

He could see the others doing the same, Natasha having one-on-one conversations with various patrons, an uncharacteristic smile on her face- Clint laughing along with a group of people in the center of the room. Bruce was quietly talking with a few fellow scientists on a table in the corner, and seemed to be getting pretty into the subject matter, if his hand gestures were anything to go by.

But it was Tony who caught his eye.

This was the first PR event where the Avengers had all gone out together, usually it was just Tony who attended. And from what he was looking at now, Steve could see why he was the obvious choice.

The man was currently at the bar, and was holding court with at least ten different people. In one hand there was a cocktail, and the other was resting gently on a woman’s shoulder. He was talking, grinning away as everyone laughed at a joke he had just told them. Every person in the circle seemed to have eyes only for Tony, and he held their attention so easily, Steve wondered how he himself could possibly find it so demanding just having a short conversation with one person.

The woman nearest to Tony muttered something to him, looking up at him suggestively from underneath her (very tacky, if you asked Steve) false eyelashes, and Tony whispered something in her ear, grinning provocatively. She laughed, and Steve felt something hot curl up inside his stomach.

But it wasn’t jealousy. Definitely not. Tony was a good friend. A good, funny, really _hot_ friend…

Nope. Not jealousy.

(Shut up)

“Having fun, Captain?” Asked a high, unfamiliar voice at his right.

He turned, facing the owner of the noise. She was at least a head shorter than him, even in her ridiculously high heels, and was wearing about a pound of makeup on her face, quite clearly to hide the wrinkles that were beginning to form.

She was also far too close for Steve’s liking.

“Um, yes ma’am. It’s always nice to come out and support good causes.” He stuttered, stumbling back a few steps and trying to smile, hoping that she would give up and walk away.

Unfortunately Steve didn’t have luck on his side tonight.

Swooping forward like a vulture in high heels, she was at his side again almost immediately, leering at him in a way that made Steve shudder a little. The smile showed where her lipstick had bled, and the slightly yellowed teeth behind them. Steve wondered if he was going to vomit.

“I’m sure you’ve heard of me, Captain,” She said, pressing her chest up against his shoulder in a way that definitely let her intentions be known, “I’m Rosalie Macey, quite a significant donor to the Maria Stark Foundation. Helping all those poor children pick themselves off the ground, it truly warms my heart.” She cooed, chuckling in a way that was probably supposed to sound flirty, but to Steve, it just sounded creepy.

Steve stepped away, trying to figure out a way to let her know he wasn’t interested without offending her. She was wrong, he hadn’t heard of her, but if what she was saying was true, and she was a large donor toward the charity, Steve had to tread carefully. A wrong move could result in the foundation losing money, because as much as Steve hated to admit it, people were selfish and would actually do that without a second thought.

Everything around him was...too big. bright and loud and in-your-face. It was as if suddenly a switch had been flipped, and Steve was looking at the room in a whole different perspective. The negative thoughts and bad company almost certainly were not helping, but sometimes just being in a social situation did this sort of thing to him.Made things... distorted. 

he didn't like like he was at a gala anymore. he felt like he was on a battlefield. 

He tried to catch Tony’s eye from across the room, a pleading look on his face that would surely let Tony know he was in need of some help. He truly was horrible in these situations, and this was only making his already sick stomach even worse, not to mention the fact that he was starting to shake.

 _Panic attack_ , he thought, absently.

His brow creased slightly in confusion. True, these were all the symptoms of an all-too-familiar attack, but usually he only felt them after bad dreams or flashbacks. Not talking to horny fifty-year olds.

But that wasn’t the point. The point was, he needed to get out immediately, before something bad or embarrassing happened.He began making his way toward the door of the patio, trying to calm his breathing down to an acceptable level.

“Listen, ma’am, I’m afraid I have to leave you for now. I’ve, um, I’m supposed to be meeting with, um, Miss Romanov in a few minutes. But I am- I’m very grateful for all the help that you’ve put in toward the funding, and I’m sure-“

“Okay, I’ll be blunt. I have money, lots of it. And you, my dear boy, are very, very handsome. So here’s the deal. All those kiddies who need my hard-earned cash, they’ll get that. But first, I would like to have something in it for me. So we’ll have a bit of fun, and then I’ll give all that money away. What do you say?” She asked, standing up to press her mouth right into his neck.

He shuffled uncomfortably out of her reach, but the damn woman _still_ kept coming forward. Steve didn’t know what to do, he knew that walking away was going to mean the Foundation would lose a lot of money, but there was no way he was every going anywhere with this woman, and it was getting harder to breathe with every second and he couldn’t-

“Did you know, Steve, that this entire building- _my_ building by the way- is rigged with some of the most expensive and top-quality surveillance in the world?” Came a beautifully familiar voice from a few meters away.

The woman instantly snapped her head up and moved a few steps back, narrowing her eyes. Steve breathed a noticeable sigh of relief, and felt his heartbeat slow down ever so slightly.

Tony was here. Tony knew what to do.

“Oh, look, it’s New York’s most reputable playboy. I’m surprised you haven’t left off with a pretty blonde yet. What do you want, Stark, I’m in the middle of a conversation.” She snarled, and Steve stumbled over to Tony’s side while she was distracted.

“Okay, I have three points to make there. One- I must say I am flattered you still think I hold that title. I was almost sure it was passed down to you a good few years ago, when you turned, what was it, fifty three?”

She practically snarled at the number, and Steve couldn’t help but chuckle slightly. Tony always knew which spot to prod at.

“Two, the only ‘pretty blonde’ I am leaving off with is my good friend Steve over here.” Tony continued, waving a hand to his left, where Steve was stood.

Steve really hoped his cheeks hadn’t gone red at that.

“And three, I was just here to talk about the high-res cameras I have installed- cameras that are currently capturing every second of this function. That’s all. I’m not going to mention the fact that I’ve just asked JARVIS to transfer all that lovely footage onto my files at home, where they are just waiting to be sent to your doting husband at a word’s notice. I’m sure he’d just _love_ to see you proposition Captain Rogers here, after your thirty years of marriage.” Tony told her, as casually as if he were discussing the weather.

The color drained out of Macey’s cheeks, and she began to step back slightly, giving a tiny nod.

“Mr. Stark, please, I think this has all been a misunderstanding. I would- I would appreciate it if those files were not sent.” She whispered, eyes darting around guiltily.

“Well, I’m sure if you continued to donate as generously to the charity as you have in the past, then JARVIS can arrange to delete the footage. Is that a good deal? I think that’s a good deal, considering the manner in which you’ve behaved tonight.” Tony said, his voice hardening as he stepped in front of Steve defensively.

Tony waited for the woman to nod and hurry away, before pulling Steve out toward the balcony and into the fresh air outside. As soon as Steve was out in private, he let the shaking take over and felt his knees begin to falter.

out here, it was okay to fall apart. at least there was room to take a damn breath.

But before he could hit the ground, Tony wound an arm around his waist, making sure his fall wasn’t heavy. What with Steve being at least double Tony’s weight, he couldn’t altogether stop it from happening, but it was far more gentle than what Steve was used to when dealing with this alone.

“Hey, it’s okay, Steve. She’s just another desperate, lonely woman looking for a night of fun while her husband’s back is turned. I’m sorry you had to meet her; she’s kind of notorious for doing that. But she donated pretty heavily to the Foundation, so she’s always invited.” Tony explained, as he got to his knees and sat with Steve on the cold stone floor, arm still wrapped around Steve’s waist.

Steve wanted to say it was okay, and that he was fine, but the shaking in his voice and the inability to breathe properly probably wouldn’t convince Tony of anything. The engineer was probably wondering why Steve was being so weird anyway, silently judging him for having panic attack over a fucking come-on, who even does that?

But Tony wasn’t saying anything, just holding Steve tight as he struggled for oxygen and shook heavily and making soothing affirmations in the soldier’s ears.  
Steve wondered how he had ever thought tony was anything less than selfless- how a month ago, he had been looking at Tony and only seeing a self-centered asshole who looked after number-one.

“Tony?” Steve whispered, finally gaining enough breath to say one word.

“Yeah, Steve?”

“What- _what’s wrong with me?_ ” He asked in a tiny voice, looking away from Tony and toward the slabs of rock under his feet. He could feel his own heart through his ribs, and was waiting for the inevitable _'you’re just a bit fucked up'_ to come falling from Tony’s lips.

“Don’t you…Oh, shit, yeah- I’m guessing they didn’t have a medical term for it back in the forties, right? You were just classed as a lunatic and carted off to the asylum. Well, Steve, things are different now. I think, and don’t hold me to this, but what you’re feeling, what you are experiencing is called social anxiety. It’s a fear of social situations, and trust me, millions of people have it, Steve. You’re not a freak, and you’re not alone in this. Hell, until father-dearest beat it out of me, I used to literally vomit before parties like this. But Steve, you can get help. I can hook you up with a therapist, if you want. Pepper is always nagging me to go see one, I’m sure she knows just the right person for you. Do you want that?” Tony explained, placing his hand on Steve’s shoulder and squeezing reassuringly.

Steve had so many things to say. He wanted to ask more questions about the social anxiety Tony was explaining, or the therapist and how he could get in touch with her. He especially wanted to discuss the light way in which tony had told Steve that Howard had _beat him for being afraid_. But somehow, he knew that Tony would not give him any real answers about his childhood, and there was only really one question he wanted answering.

“I’m not…a freak, then?” He asked weakly, gripping Tony’s shoulders and trying to make sure he didn’t accidentally dislocate one of them in his panic.

“Not a freak, Tony assured, smiling a tiny little smile that made Steve’s heart speed up all over again, but for different reasons.

“Come on, old-timer- let’s get out of here. This party sucks anyway.”

“What about that girl you were entertaining?” Steve blurted, and instantly cursed himself inwardly. Great, now Tony was going to remember her and leave. And not that Steve wanted Tony all to himself (he totally fucking didn’t, okay?), but the man was surprisingly gentle when he needed to be- and Steve really needed gentle right now.

Tony, however, didn’t even look away from Steve.

“Not important. Come on, let’s go.”


	2. Chapter 2

2:

 

 _Tony Stark is an asshole,_ Steve thought, as he rhythmically punched at the heavy bag in the SHIELD training room. These punching bags were small and weak, and would probably break after another five minutes, but Steve had just wanted to get out of the Tower, and there was no way he was going back there for a good few hours, so for now he was stuck with these second-class bags.

(That’s the trouble with having a Stark living with you. You get used to all his state-of-the-art shit. Steve has definitely become far more pampered after four months at the tower, and that probably wasn’t a good thing. He could blame Tony for that, too.)

 _The fucking asshole,_ Steve thought angrily as he roundhouse kicked at the bag, making sure to pull it back slightly at the last second, so to make the poor, battered bag last a little longer.

He could never listen to an instruction- that was Tony’s problem. A direct command from Steve; ‘Iron Man, stay away from the building, it’s seconds away from complete collapse’ – and so of course, what does Tony do? He goes into the fucking building.

_“I saved three people’s lives, Steve!”_

_“You disobeyed a direct order to stay clear- you knew that backup was just around the corner-“_

_“Around the corner? They were fucking miles away!”_

_“-and you still couldn’t resist going and playing the hero!”_

_“…Is that what you think this is? Fuck you, Rogers, fuck you. I went in there because the collapse was imminent and those. People. Were. Going. To. Die. Not because I’m the show-off you obviously think I fucking am, Steve. Despite what you might think, I leave the whole genius billionaire playboy philanthropist behind when I put on that suit.”_

_“Tony, you know I didn’t mean it like that. I’m just saying-“_

_“That I’m irresponsible and rash?”_

_“YES! You never fucking listen to me, and I’m team captain! You keep disobeying orders and you’re going to get benched, do you understand?”_

_“We’re not in the fucking forties anymore, Cap. Your old fashioned ways are going to be the death of you.”_

_“No. You are going to be the death of me. And Clint, and Thor, and Nat and Bruce if you can’t follow orders like the rest of us.”_

Steve had stopped then, instantly regretting his words. That was a low blow, even he knew that, and he wanted to go back and repair it, but he knew that it was done now, and shit was about to hit the fan. Hard.

_“I really wish you’d stayed in the forties.”_

Ah. There it was.

_“Jesus, I don’t even want to fucking look at you right now, Stark. You know what, you want to get yourself killed? You fucking do that. Because at the end of the day it’s all about what you want, isn’t it?”_

 

And now here he was, four hours later, beating into a punching bag like his life depended on it.

Steve sighed, looking at the mess of his hands. They were red and bloody, shaking with adrenaline and anger. Lucky for him, the serum was already beginning its work, and the smaller cuts had already begun their healing process.

There were a few young agents in the gym with him- two girls and a boy. They all looked to be new, if the standard of their sparring was anything to go by. Not to mention they were constantly being distracted by Steve’s own fight with the punching bag.

He didn’t even notice the whispers any more. He was used to it by now. He just focused on the new bag he had put up, ignoring the world around him. He was vaguely aware of the agents leaving half an hour or so later, but he couldn’t really care less.

It was only when cold water started pooling around his ankles that he snapped out of his trance.

He looked down at the steadily rising water for a good five seconds, staring blankly at it in slight surprise.Then the sheer, outright terror began to set in.He stumbled back, whipping his head around, trying to find a source of the water and desperately hoping that he could remain calm. In a situation like this, panic was the last thing that was needed.It didn’t matter that this was how it had begun the last time, with the water slowly filling up around him in the freezing plane, pooling around his ankles first, then his waist, then-

(It didn’t matter.)

 

He abandoned search for the source of the water after a few seconds, and instead sprinted towards the doors of the gym, stumbling a little as his right leg faltered.

 _Deep breaths, deep breaths. It’s going to be okay,_ came the voice in his head, as he hurled his right shoulder into the metalwork of the doors.

Apart from denting slightly, they didn’t budge.

Fear was rising along with the water level, and Steve tasted the bile in his throat as he remembered the plane and the ice and the horrible cold that had overwhelmed him seventy years ago, that had stolen him away from his own time, his home, and landed him in a foreign land where all his friends were long dead.

_Not again._

He rammed his shoulder into the metal yet again, but felt nothing give way. The door, along with every other one in the SHIELD facility, had been specially designed by Tony to stop forced entry, so of course they were going to be difficult to break.

But not impossible. Steve _was not_  going to die like this.

Panic overwhelmed him as he slammed into the door again. Pain zinged through his shoulder and he choked back on the sobs that were being coughed up with the vomit.

The freezing water was climbing up his shins now, and all he could think about was Peggy and the Howling Commandos and Bucky and the ice and the cold and the horrible water that filled up his lungs-

“Captain Rogers, this is JARVIS. I have been dormant, sleeping if you wish, in she SHIELD mainframe for quite some time, programmed to wake up in the event of emergency. And somehow, I feel this is what we can firmly qualify as an emergency.”

Steve shook himself out of the flashback, staring at the roof in shock.

“JARVIS? What- no, fuck, never mind, can you get me out?” Steve asked, hearing the tremors and breaks in his own breath and the slight whimper at the end when he felt the water rise above his kneecap.

“I’m afraid I have no actual control over any of the mechanisms in SHEILD, simply the databanks, audio and visual. A flaw I am sure Sir shall be altering after this is over. However I am waking sir up as we speak, and he will be communicating with you in a few seconds, I can assure you.” JARVIS soothed, his calm voice soothing Steve’s wrecked nerves.

Sure enough, Tony was on the line three seconds later, sounding panicked and alert.

“Steve? Steve, are you with me?” He asked loudly through the speakers in the gym.

“y-yeah. Yeah. I think so.” Steve said, giving the door another ram and feeling his shoulder burn with pain.

“No, Steve, don’t try and knock the door down. That’s a magnesium-Titanium alloy, and I’ve designed it so the more damage gets inflicted on it; the more layers come down from the other side of the door. You’re just thickening it, buddy. Listen to me, Steve, it’s gonna be okay. The water source is an exploded water-tank, and it’s coming up from the grilles on your right. But the water-supply’s gonna run out soon, the highest it’s gonna get is your thigh.” Tony said confidently.

But Steve didn’t care that the water wasn’t going to come up past his legs. It was cold and wet and all too familiar and he just wanted to run home to the tower and curl up like scared little boy and pretend that this whole thing had never fucking happened.

“Tony. Get me out of here. _Please._ ” Steve whispered, resting his head against the dented metal of the door and sucking in mouthfuls of cold oxygen that just wasn’t enough for his desperate lungs.

“Listen, Steve, I can’t access the doors from here, at least not unless I hack the system. That will take me two minutes tops, okay, and I’ve got JARVIS to alert Fury, so he should be coming any time now, I swear it.” Tony told him, sounding distressed and panicked himself.

Steve let out another choked-off sob- that’s two minutes that he really, _really_ didn’t want to live through. He wanted to fall to the floor but he fucking couldn’t, because of this damn water and so he had to grip on to the door handles to keep himself upright.

He felt the tears sliding down his own cheeks and he willed himself to remain silent. He wasn’t going to die. It was just water. And Tony was right, it had all leveled out now, and the water was resting just above his kneecaps. But that didn’t stop the vomit from rising up his throat, and he couldn’t hope to stop it as he choked it up into the water.

“Steve, listen to me, I’m literally thirty seconds away from getting through their stupid firewall- I swear it’s like a three year old developed this shit- and then I’m in and I’ll open it right up. And I’m about a minute out from getting to SHIELD myself, so even if by an extreme miracle, my hacking skills fail; I’m coming for you either way. Just take deep breaths, think about…I don’t know, movie night at the tower or something.” Tony said, his voice comfortingly recognizable.

“Movie night at the tower is just going to make my panic attack worse, Tony.” He muttered, grinning a little despite himself.

“Oh, look at that, Steve Rogers learnt how to sass. First sign of the apocalypse,” Tony chuckled lightly, and Steve could hear the rhythmic tap-tap-tapping of his fingers as they sped across a keyboard.

“Shut up and get me out of here, idiot.” Steve replied, looking up to the camera and smiling weakly.

“Your wish is my command, your majesty.” Tony declared, and on queue, the doors finally slid open, and Steve went tumbling to the floor in the hallway, water spilling over him and pushing him further away from the horrible room.

Steve felt like he could breathe again, after five minutes of oxygen deprivation. He turned to his back and lay there, closing his eyes and just trying to get his breathing down to a normal level.

 

“-What the FUCK WERE YOU THINKING?! WHO THE FUCK LOCKS SOMEONE IN A ROOM AND THEN FLOODS IT? FUCKING SYCOPATHS, THAT’S WHO!” Tony screamed from down the hallway. Steve bolted up to look at who he was shouting at, and saw the three young recruits on the opposite end of the hall, all looking absolutely terrified as Tony descended on them, fury written in his usually complacent features.

“It-it-it, was just a joke, Mr. Stark, we swear. He looked tense at the gym, we wanted to play a prank, see-see if it would cheer him up.” One of the girl agents tried pathetically.

Tony laughed, harsh and angry as he pushed them all further down the hall and toward Steve. As soon as Tony noticed the supersoldier lying on his back, the kids were forgotten, and tony sprinted the rest of the distance, skidding to a halt as he threw himself down on to his knees and gripped Steve’s shoulders.

“Oh my god, Steve, are you okay? Fuck, I’m gonna fucking kill them, they’re dead. You’re on family-duty, Steve, you will have to call their parents and tell them Tony Stark murdered their fucking bitch-little kids. I don’t care. I’ll go to jail, do my time. It will be fucking worth-“

“Tony, Tony, I’m okay. I’m okay. It was just…a shock. But I’m okay now, honestly.” Steve told him, smiling feebly up at the worried man.

Tony was still in his pajamas, a leather jacket thrown over the ensemble and no shoes or socks. His hair was a complete mess, and there was still a faint indent from where his cheek had been resting on the pillow. As soon as JARVIS had alerted him, Tony must have come immediately.

Steve’s heart sped up all over again. He wasn’t sure if anyone else he knew would ever have done that for him.

 

(That was the moment he realized that, yes; he definitely had a crush on Tony Stark.)

 

“You don’t look okay to me, Steve.” Tony said, brushing the wet hair out of Steve’s eyes. His hand hovered on top of Steve’s head for half a second, as if he were debating running his fingers through it, but much to Steve’s disappointment, he decided against it, and instead brought it down to Steve’s shoulder and used it to lift the man up into sitting position.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t have time to bring any spare clothes. But, I did manage to grab a towel. It’s in the car, although that probably won’t do much.” Tony explained sheepishly.

Steve was about to reply when Tony’s head snapped up, and his gaze hardened again.

“If you move another step I will string you all up by your genitals, I swear to _fucking_ Christ.” He growled, turning around and standing up again, moving to the kids who had been edging back down the hall.

Steve looked at them; standing there looking panicked, and couldn’t even feel sorry for them. Although he had to stand up and put himself in front of Tony when it looked as if the man were about to give them all a punch in the nose.

“Don’t, Tony, I’m fine. Just leave them. They’re kids.” Steve said quietly.

Tony scoffed, laughing as he stepped back a few paces and began to turn away, pulling Steve along with him.

“Yeah, kids. Kids who just lost their jobs, courtesy of Tony Stark. Oh, and I’m gonna fuck up your credit score, because why the fuck not? You can have your little ‘prank’ here, and that can be mine. Really hope it was fucking worth it, you little shits!” Tony called out behind him happily, and Steve only heard the outraged cries from the young agents before Tony hauled him out of the facility and into the car outside.

 

A few days later, Steve got an email from Clint, who was working in SHIELD that day. It was a forwarded email sent to all SHIELD staff, from none other than Tony himself. It was short,but the message was very clear.

_If you’ve opened this, then there is now a dormant virus in your system. Trust me, you might think SHIELD security is safe enough to prevent this kind of thing from happening, but honestly it’s a pile of bullshit with glitter poured all over to make it look fancy *cough*thatswhatyougetforhirngHammerinsteadofme*cough*._

_Piss me off like that again, and I assure I will switch that damn virus on and ruin every piece of equipment your email is linked to. I fucking mean it. Do not fuck with the people I care about._

_*This does not apply to Romanov. You scare me too much for me to threaten you in any way._

_**This especially applies to you, Fury. You do not scare me in the slightest, honeybun._

_Lots of love and kisses, Tony Stark ☺_

 

Underneath, there were various replies, from the multiple (and slightly terrifying) smiling face emojis Natasha had put, to the singular _‘fuck you, Stark_ ’ from Fury.

 

Steve burst out laughing.


	3. Chapter 3

3.

He could still see the images, in his head.

 

The fires.

The screaming.

 

All the kids he couldn’t save.

 

Flashing, constantly, every time he shut his eyes. They wouldn’t leave him alone. Broken sounds of high-pitched screams or the taste of burning flesh under his tongue.

 

He still couldn’t get the smell of ash off his skin.

 

He had left the tower hours ago- he couldn’t bear to look at the rest of his team, knowing that he’d let them down. Clint especially- he had warned Steve not to take his eye off that school, he had told him that there was something moving in the playground.

But then there had been a family, cornered by the stupid fucking fire-monster thing, and Steve couldn’t just let them die.

And it had all happened so _fast._

He had no idea how it had happened- Tony had been shocked himself; he had thought the monsters were only capable of releasing a certain amount of energy. But whichever of the creatures had found its way into the school packed one hell of a punch.

It exploded. All of it. All in one go.

18 dead children.

 

Their blood was on his hands. He could’ve been quicker, faster, could’ve done something, anything that would have meant those 18 innocent kids got to live out their lives as they should have, if Steve hadn’t let them down.

But he hadn’t. He hadn’t been quick enough, fast enough, strong enough. And they were dead because of it.

 

It was dark now. Steve had been sat at the café for 7 hours. He probably needed to move on, the owners were beginning to look at him funny.

 

“You’re a hard man to find, Rogers. Took me seven hours to finally get a hit. That’s some good disappearing act there, Steve, I’ll give you that.” Tony said quietly, from behind him.

Steve wanted to say something. But it would probably be offensive or rude and then Tony would hate him even more and Steve didn’t know if he could bear to hear any more shit from people today, the demons in his own head were loud enough, thank you very much.

So he said nothing, and stared out at the window.

A few seconds later, there was a soft hiss of air and a sag on the pillows of the sofa Steve was sat on, and Tony was looking at him from the side as Steve stared resolutely out of the window into the night ahead.

“It wasn’t your fault, you-“

“ _Don’t_. Just…don’t.” Steve hissed, whipping his head round to glare out Tony with all the hatred and anger he could muster.

He didn’t want pity. He didn’t fucking want anyone to try and make him all better, to try and make this go away and pretend it didn’t happen. He wanted to shout, to scream and cry and yell and get those children back but he _couldn’t_ , and it was eating away at him like a disease.

“Steve, I’m not going to sit here and watch you blame yourself for something that none of us saw coming!” Tony answered calmly, not rising to Steve’s anger like he usually would.

“Clint did.” Steve said blankly, turning back to the window.

“Clint gave you a heads up, he said that there looked like there was movement near the school and you should get there when you can. But there was a family and they had three kids and a dog and we all knew that you wouldn’t just leave them to die- none of us would have. And you didn’t know, Steve. You didn’t know how powerful that particular son of a bitch was, you didn’t know the damage it could do! Every other one was only a quarter as powerful, and you were running on that assumption-“

“But I SHOULDN’T HAVE BEEN!” Steve yelled, making the last few stragglers around them jump and look round in surprise.

“I shouldn’t have assumed, I shouldn’t have gotten complacent, but I fucking DID and now there are eighteen dead children with lives they aren’t ever going to get to lead and families who are heartbroken and its all my fucking fault.” Steve whispered, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees and ducking his face away from view. Tony didn’t need to see him crying.

There wasn’t an answer for a long time, and when the weight on the cushions to his left was alleviated, Steve thought Tony had left.

But then Steve saw bent knees covered by blue faded jeans crouch down in front of him, and there were two steady hands on his shoulders that were pulling him upright again, holding him steady as if they knew that Steve would probably fall right back apart without them to hold him in place.

“Steve. Look at me.” Tony pleaded, staring up at Steve unwaveringly as his hands moved up to Steve’s neck and stopped it from lulling downward.

“Do you remember the Great Subway-Fuckup that we never speak of because reasons- reasons mainly involving the fact that I had been too busy pissing off some homegrown villain to notice the big-ass bomb in the middle of one of the carriages? You remember what happened there, right? They all would have died, blown to smithereens, and it would have been on me, all my fault, if you, Steven Grant Rogers, had not pulled yourself- and I mean literally you _pulled yourself out of the rubble_ and hurled yourself into a moving fucking train in order to stop that from detonating.”

“I had an obligation, Tony-“

“You had a _broken leg_. Who the fuck jumps into trains that are moving at a hundred miles an hour with a _broken leg_?! You wanna know why you did that, Steve? Because you _care_. And it’s not just the, ‘oh it would probably be bad if a hundred and fifty six people died so I should probably stop it’ kinda caring- it’s the genuine love and kindness that only you possess. It’s the one that will stop to help old ladies with their shopping even when they’re already ten minutes late to a press conference, and the one that makes sure every last civilian is accounted for and safe before they can truly relax. It the kind of caring that I’ve only ever truly seen in you, Steve. So don’t you dare go giving me all this bullshit about how you didn’t try hard enough or you should have done better or whatever the fuck you’re thinking right now, because I’m telling you it is a lie.” Tony said, keeping his eyes fixed on Steve’s bright blue ones in an act of defiance, as if he were daring Steve to look away.

“I don’t…I can’t stop thinking about it, Tony.” Steve mumbled, feeling the hotness behind his eyes as tears began to form again.

“ I know. And it won’t go away, unfortunately. Not for a while. But you don’t need to forget it ever happened, Steve, or bury your head in the sand and pretend nothing is wrong, because it is. That’s what trauma does, it fucks you up. And so I’m not telling you to forget about them- I’m telling you to move on. To realize that horrible, awful things happen that you cannot change, and as long as you keep fighting the good fight, keep watching over New York and protecting the people, you’re still gonna be the hero everyone loves. The hero I-“

Tony caught himself at the last minute, finally breaking his gaze and looking away. Something flashed across his face, but it was something Steve couldn’t quite pin down.

He wondered what Tony had been going to say.

“Come home. The others are all going out of their minds with worry. You sure know how to pull a disappearing act, I’ll give you that.” Tony said, his thumbs rubbing tiny circles under Steve’s jaw.

It felt nice. Familiar. And for the thousandth time, Steve wished Tony felt the same way he did.

 

"Captain America! My name is Jason Purcell, investigative reporter for the Daily Bugle. Can you tell me what was going through your head as you decided to stand by and watch those eighteen children die, in the recent fight today?" Called a voice to their left.

Steve flinched. _Oh, no,_ this wasn't good. He couldn't do this right now.

"Oh, you've gotta be fucking kidding me," Tony growled, spinning around to face the obnoxious reporter shoving his notepad and Steve's face. Seemingly oblivious to their annoyance, the reporter merely stepped further into Steve's face, looking at him with what could only be described as distain.

 _You're not the only one, buddy_ , Steve thought miserably.

"Okay, Jason Purcell, can you do us all a favour and leave? It's been a long day and Steve's not gonna answer any of your dumb-ass questions for your dumb-ass paper. Have a nice day," Tony said, as patronisingly as he could, grabbing Steve by the elbow and hauling him out of the door. Unfortunately, the reporter wasn't getting the message, and simply hurried along after them with his stud notebook flapping around after him.

Steve shut his eyes, following blindly after Tony as he tried to ignore the questions being hurled at him. More people had started gathering now, looking at him with mixes of curiosity and anger. obviously they had all been reading the news lately.

"Just ignore him, Steve, my car is just round the corner, we'll be there any minute." Tony whispered as they hurried along the street and tried to ignore the reporter following them throwing questions at steve that made him want to vomit.

"Did you plan on it happening, Captain?"

"What were your immediate reactions to the carnage you had created?"

"Is this you sending a message to the world, a sort of warning as to what you are truly capable o- _ommmph_!"

The man's sentence was abruptly cut off as Tony swung around and punched him across the jaw, much to Steve and everyone else's immense surprise. instantly, cameras were being whipped out, capturing the moment forever. Steve stood in shock, trying to work out what had just happened.

"you know what, _'Jason Purcell'_ , how 'bout you try being a superhero on a daily basis? How about you get up every day and risk your ass to protect scummy journalists who can't do anything other than condemn the man who has saved their lives on a fucking weekly basis? When you can come up to me and tell me you've done all that, I'll listen to what you have to say." Tony said, bending down at the curled up man on the floor and sneering angrily, before Steve began dragging Tony away, trying to keep him out of line of sight from the cameras that were all raised.

"Time to go, Tones. Just leave him, he's not worth it," Steve muttered, hauling Tony away by his sleeves.

"Holy shit, you broke my nose! And you're the type of person we have protecting our streets, huh? You're a worthless piece of shit, Stark, and so's your murdering boyfriend!" The man shouted from the floor.

Steve had to grip tightly on to Tony's arms as his furious friend tried running back and clocking him on the jaw again. It took a lot more effort to restrain Tony than he had thought necessary, the man was as slippery as a fox.

"My 'murdering boyfriend' has done more in his life than you ever will in your pathetic one. He's saved more lives than you've had shitty news articles, and I'm guessing there's been a fuck-ton of them." Tony snarled, trying to wriggle out of Steve's arms and back toward the reporter on the floor. Steve was really praying that he found Tony's car soon; he was beginning to want to hit the horrible reporter himself for some of the things he was saying about Tony, and his punches ended up being quite a lot more powerful. And deadly.

" I'm suing!" The Purcell yelled, sitting up and wiping at his nose, looking murderous.

"Go ahead, sweetie, you'll find my name under sixteen of the best lawyers in America. we'll see you the next time we've gotta come save your ass from evil, have fun cleaning up your face!" Tony yelled, as Steve blessedly found Tony's matte black car and hauled them both inside, throwing Tony into the driver's seat as he slipped into the seat next to him.

"Drive." Steve ordered, looking at Tony with his most serious face.

Tony was scowling out of the window, tapping an angry rhythm against the wheel. The engine remained firmly switch off.

"I'm going back out there. Someone's gotta teach that asshole a lesson," Tony said, beginning to grab for the door handle. But Steve reached at and grabbed Tony's hand, pulling it back and holding him in the car.

"You don't need to, Tony. There's going to be a media shitstorm over this as it is, I don't need you getting arrested for assaulting a civilian because you don't like nosy reporters. Please, I'm tired, can we just…go home?" Steve asked, leaning back onto the headrest and shutting his eyes.

He could still hear the questions, replying per and over in his head.  
_Did you plan on it happening, Captain?_  
_What were your immediate reactions to the carnage you had created?_  
_Is this you sending a message to the world, a sort of warning as to what you are truly capable of?_

It was there, a constant reminder in the back of his mind that probably wasn't going to go away any time soon.

But then he looked over at Tony. At his red hand from where he hit that nasty reporter. He remembered what Tony had yelled at Purcell as Steve had been dragging him toward the car, the words somehow finding root in Steve's mind and fighting against all the other slurs and insults that had been shouted at him that night.

 

_My 'murdering boyfriend' has done more in his life than you ever will in your pathetic one. He's saved more lives than you've had shitty news articles._

An for some reason, that meant more than any shitty reporter's words ever could.

"You know, there's gonna be a lot of that over the next few days. But you've just got to ignore it, Steve. We know what really happened- we know that you're still just as much of a hero as you were before today, if not more. In fact, yeah, i'm gonna go with more." Tony said, as he turned into his garage ten minutes later and cut off the engine, turning to face Steve and smiling lightly.

"i don't think it's me that needs to ignore it, Tony. You can't just go around knocking people to the ground because you don't like what they say," Steve answered dryly, raising an eyebrow.

Tony scoffed, his face hardening again. "I'll do whatever i damn well want to assholes like that. My reputation is already shot to shit, this doesn't even come close to the worst thing I've done. But I'm not gonna let…I'm not gonna let people speak to you like that, Steve. Not after everything you've done for them." Tony said angrily, his hands tapping at the wheel again.

Steve tried not to read into it too much- even though his heart was beating at a thousand times a minute and he was almost certain there was a huge blush crawling along his face. Tony didn't mean it like that- but it was still the best thing Steve had heard in a long time.

"Thank you, Tony. For finding me, today. I don't know how I could have faced that asshole alone. I kind of don't- i don't really know what I'd do without you. Because I'm not half as good at anything, as I am when I'm doing it next to you. And that's the truth." Steve said quietly, swallowing back the desire to close the small gap between them and focusing instead on Tony's face.

It didn't exactly help quell the need.

Tony looked at him for a long time, both of them just staring at each other from their sides of the car- Steve could see the way Tony was taking him in, eyes darting over every freckle and eyelash on Steve's face.

For a second, he could've sworn Tony started leaning in.

 

But then it was like an electric shock had run through the engineer, and he jolted back, plastering a grin to his face as he darted out of the car  
and around to Steve's side, opening the door for him and leaning in casually.  
Steve couldn't help it; his face fell a little. He had been so sure for a second…

 

But who was he kidding?

 

"Come on, Stevie. Lets go watch horrible late-night TV and eat too much ice-cream to be considered healthy." Tony said, winding his arms around Steve's and pulling.

 

Tony smelt like coconuts and popcorn and home. The smell of ash wasn’t quite so strong any more.

 

 

4.

 

 _Being kidnapped really, really fucking sucks,_ Steve thought, as someone kicked him in the stomach with their metal-enforced boots for the tenth time that day. There were going to be a lot of foot-shaped bruises around his middle some time soon.

“Captain Rogers, I really fail to see how this is such a big issue for you. Just tell us the emergency shutdown code for Stark’s suit, and we will let you go. That’s all we want. It’s easy. But, if you don’t tell us now, then things are going to get very painful for you, very fast. It would be in your interest to not find out what we are capable of.” Came the lazy voice of his attacker.

Steve was more embarrassed than scared, really. 95 Years of life experience, military training and full-time Avenger duty, and he gets kidnapped by a bunch of fucking kids.

Very clever, very very psychotic kids- but still.

_Kids._

“And what is it you’re capable of, then, hmm? Not getting caught when you bunk off high school? Smoking without your parent’s permission? Oh god, don’t tell me you said a bad word to a teacher and didn’t even apologize?!” Steve asked in mock-horror, whilst inwardly cursing himself.

He was never usually as antagonizing in a situation like this. But he’d been really looking forward to going to the little bakery down the road and buying those special donuts he only got every few weeks as a treat, and these punks had ruined that. He had been so close, nearly at the damn door, he could see the donuts through the window, and then suddenly he couldn’t see anything at all and was being injected with fuck-knows-what by a group of angsty teens.

 _“Shut the fuck up_ , Rogers! We may be young, but we aren’t some immature thirteen year olds, if that’s what you’re thinking.” The person above him hissed, before ramming his boot downward and into Steve’s chest.

He bit down on a yell, unwilling to give them the satisfaction but feeling the ribs as they broke under the pressure. He was still half-high on all the drugs he had been pumped with in order to be subdued, and so fighting back or moving away wasn’t an option. And besides, the clamps attached to his ankles and wrists didn’t provide much leeway, either.

“Oh god no, not thirteen. I’m thinking more along the lines of fifteen, sixteen- you know, going through that whole ‘I’m so misunderstood, no mom, it’s not just a phase, this is the real me’ type bullshit. Don’t worry; I’ve been there. ‘Cept I wanted to join the army and serve my country for the good of the people despite the fact I weighed about four pounds, and you…well, you just want to be psychopaths, for some reason. But hey, each to their own, don’t let your dreams be dreams, and all,” Steve mumbled, unable to stop the smile on his face as he glanced up at the seething young boy in front of him.

Annoying your captors was never a good idea. But it sure as hell was funny.

The smile was wiped of his face when the steel-enforced boot was brought down on his jaw.

After a few more beatings, the boy left to go and brood or complain about his pimples or whatever, and Steve was left to the privacy of his own tiny little cell. But not before he had been fitted with something- something that looked very foreboding and unpleasant.

It was a metal band, placed around his waist and secured there tightly enough to make it hard to breathe. Running out of the metal were six different tubes, all empty at the moment, but obviously there for a purpose. Steve was still chained up against the wall with the seemingly unbreakable clamps, and the drugs were still very much in his system, which made things an awful lot more difficult. He had no idea how long he had been in the dirty little cell, but he was starving hungry and that meant it was at least a day, maybe more if Steve had had breakfast that morning. Drugs made it hard to remember that sort of stuff.

He could do nothing but wait as his pre-pubescent kidnappers decided their plan of attack. And the band around his lungs was starting to really ache.

 

“OK, Captain America. So far, you’ve not only refused to tell us what we want to know, but you’ve also been quite rude to a few of us, which we really don’t appreciate. But I suppose you wouldn’t understand quite what’s at stake here, would you?” Came another higher, silkier voice from in front of him.

His head snapped up, and he was looking at another young woman, her hair swept up in a high bun and looking ominously dainty in a lilac dress.

“Just like the way your mom and dad don’t understand you, I presume? Or why you spend so much time on, what is it, Tumble? With your _‘real friends’_.” Steve bit back. He really couldn’t help it, he was just thinking and thinking about those damn donuts, and it was making him mad.

Also the pain and the violation of his human rights; that was an important reason for his anger.

But mostly donuts.

The girl laughed a little, completely unfazed, as opposed to the boy earlier, and that put Steve on edge more than it would if she had just hit him for it.

He was trying to take in everything, to analyze it like he usually did, but whatever they had put in his system was really doing its job because he had been like this for hours now and it still wasn’t wearing off, which meant everything just got jumbled together and confused in his head.

“On your waist, you’ll see we’ve attached that lovely metal strip. We would’ve just used needles, but you’re quite strong, and that would have led to complications. This was just easier. But anyway, the thing on your waist isn’t important. The incredibly strong, incredibly painful drugs we are about to send running through your bloodstream via that thing on your waist? That’s the important thing.” She purred, tiptoeing to the edge of the room and flicking with a few switches, until a machine in the wall began to whirr and amber liquids started flowing through the tubes running right into Steve. There was a sharp jab of pain as six different needles were forced into his skin, and then Steve could only watch as the stuff was injected into him.

He tried to wriggle, but there was no room and his limbs already felt like lead. So instead he focused on staring at the girl with as much venom as he could muster.

“Y’know, most parents only have to worry about their child disappointing them by not getting good grades or misbehaving in school. I think your family are in for quite a shock.” He slurred, trying to ignore the way his skin was starting to feel as if it were too hot and his insides felt queasy.

Again, the girl laughed a little, her eyes dead and void, before walking towards the door.

“I give it three hours, before you’re spewing every dirty secret we ask you to tell. Have fun.” She said, before shutting the door behind her.

Not too soon after, Steve let out his first scream of the night.

 

 

They were wrong.

It had been five hours, seventeen minutes and thirty-four seconds and Steve still hadn’t uttered a word. Apart from strangled screams and delirious ramblings, of course.

He knew that he couldn’t do hold out for much longer. He could feel his own heartbeat, thrumming erratically and lightning-fast underneath his fingers, and knew that it was so close to giving out entirely.

At this point, Steve was looking forward to it.

He had been through a lot of things in his life. Things that had hurt him emotionally, physically, you name it; Steve Rogers had probably experienced it. He had been subjected to more torture than he cared to remember, and each one of them had been just as unpleasant as the last.

But never had he ever felt pain quite like this.

It was unique. If you could imagine what it felt like to be simultaneously burnt and frozen at the same time- to have something sharp pushed into you and something blunt ripped out of you a thousand times over, then maybe you could fathom what this felt like.

It was excruciating. He should have passed out during the second hour from the pain, but there was obviously something in the concoction from hell that was forcing him to stay awake, because he was very much conscious as his body was torn apart from the inside out.

He couldn’t see. Everything was a haze. His hearing just sounded more like waves crashing on the shore, and he was pretty sure he hadn’t stopped screaming in four hours.

Somewhere in the back of his mind, he thought he registered someone saying,  
“Alright you adolescent little fuckers- which one of you can lead me to my supersoldier?”, and then some banging and explosions, but he had been hallucinating stuff for a long time and so there was no proof that this was any realer than any of the other things his mind had invented for him.

Then the sounds and the voices stared coming a lot nearer, and Steve was lucky that his hearing was enhanced because it was hard to hear above his own agonized cries, but it really did sound a lot like someone familiar, even if he couldn’t quite remember who.

Someone who reminded him of home. Of safe.

It was nice.

“-Eve? Steve, honey, can you hear me? _Shitshitshitshitshit,_ Steve, please, I’m begging you, just stop struggling for a minute, I need to get these damn chains off you and I can’t if you keep flailing around. Oh _fuck_ , just stay focused on my- _Jesus Christ_ \- just focus on my voice, okay? Don’t fall asleep, whatever you do, okay, I’ve got you. I’ve got you.”, the nice voice said.

Steve really hoped that listening to whoever owned the nice voice was going to make it all go away, because sooner or later something was going to give, and it sure as hell wasn’t going to be any secrets of Steve’s.  
The same couldn’t be said for his heart, however.

Even through the unbearable pain-filled trance Steve was in, he could feel the tiny amount of relief as a pressure was lifted off his waist, and then his wrists, and then his ankles.

It was soon drowned out by all the other parts of him that were still slowly dying, but still. It had been wonderful while it lasted.

Without the restraints holding him up any more, he crumpled forward. Something metal came up to meet him, but it wasn’t harsh and painful, it was yielding and flexible and Steve saw flashes of reds and gold’s through his half-closed eyes and it just added to his feeling of safe-ness that came with the nice voice.

“Steve, It’s gonna- it’s gonna be okay really soon, we’re gonna get you out when Natasha manages to get those main gates opened, and then Clint’s going to pick us up in the jet and- and we’ll take you to medical and it’s all gonna be okay, Steve, so just stay awake. Just stay with me, ‘cuz I kinda need you alive, you’re sort of important to me, you big puppy-eyed jerk.”

 _You’re actually sort of important to me too, idiot,_ Steve thought absently, before promptly passing the fuck out.

 

 

 

 

 

Medical was never a nice place to wake up. It smelt like antibacterial and the sheets were uncomfortable and you always, always woke up hurting somewhere.

So no, not nice.

 

It took an awful lot of energy just to get his eyelids to open, and even more so to look around at his surroundings. From the way the light was shining in through the window, it was early morning, and the sun was just beginning to filter in through the blinds.

To his right, he saw Tony, resting his head on the bed next to Steve’s legs, his hand just inches away from Steve’s own, as if he had been holding it at some point before falling asleep. Steve felt kinda annoyed that he hadn’t been conscious for that.

“Let him rest. I don’t think he’s stayed still since you got taken yesterday, and adding that onto the 48-hour work bender he was having before this whole shitstorm, that’s three days he has been awake for.” Bruce said from the door, just as Steve was about to gently nudge Tony awake.

He kept himself from jumping at Bruce’s quiet presence, but only just.

Looking around the room, he saw that, in fact, all the Avengers were present. There was Bruce, stood at the foot of the door, and then Natasha sat against the frame, her closed eyes being the only indication she was asleep at all. Clint was snoring heavily, curled up around Natasha as her hand rested in his hair. Even Thor had retuned, sleeping full-out on the floor and somehow looking comfortable doing it.

“ I don’t…what happened?” Steve tried to say, but the words sounded muffled and raspy, and it hurt like hell.

Wordlessly, Bruce grabbed for some ice chips and handed them to Steve, who swallowed them down shakily. It was a lot harder to move his arms than Steve remembered.

“Whatever they put into you- it was some powerful shit. I’m not really sure how it worked; but Tony and I think it stimulated the nervous system in ways that made your body think it was being hurt, but without actually causing any damage to you whatsoever. You’re fine, now the drug’s out of your system. But it was hit-and-miss for a while. Your heart had been going crazy, and you- you wouldn’t stop screaming.” Bruce explained, his voice trailing off and wavering slightly at the end as he recalled the agonized screams of pain that had never seemed to stop, no matter how much morphine they had tried to pump Steve with.

Next to Steve’s leg, Tony moved a little, sighing in his sleep as he turned his head so he was facing Bruce and Steve. The engineer looked exhausted, even in his sleep, with dark purple bags under his eyes and a frown that appeared permanently etched on his forehead.

“You scared him shitless, you know. He was going out of his mind when he pulled you on to the Jet- said the only thing you did other than scream was call him an idiot then pass out. I don’t think you’d even be alive if he hadn’t walked out of the mission briefing early in order to haul your ass out of that cell. Fury went nuts, you should’ve seen him, yelling about protocol and professionalism and all that bullshit. Tony just told him to kiss his ass and flew off. We all cheered. It was funny, you should’ve been there,” Bruce said dryly, looking down at Tony and shaking his head a little.

“He’d do anything for you though. Fury told him he was gonna get benched and the guy didn’t even bat an eyelid, even though you _know_ how much he loves being an Avenger. It’s kinda sickening just watching him around you, you know.” Bruce added, laughing lightly and speaking softly, to make sure he didn’t disturb any of his sleeping friends.

When Steve looked up at him blankly, Bruce stared right back.

“You don’t… _you don’t know, do you_? Oh, shit, Steve, bless your innocent little soul, you don’t know! Literally the most obvious thing in the whole world and you can’t even see it? Damn, that’s quite an achievement, even for you.” Bruce babbled, disbelief and glee written on his face as he bit down on a loud shout of laughter.

“What? Don’t see what, Bruce?” Steve rasped, wondering what the hell he was talking about.

But the doctor only smiled, and patted on Steve’s shoulder again, shaking his head again and rolling his eyes.

“Get some more rest, Cap. Tony will chew me out if he finds out I’ve been keeping you awake- and you shouldn’t really be talking anyway, not with your throat like that. Night, Steve.” The man whispered, grinning annoyingly before tiptoeing back to one of the free chairs and resting his head on his hands and shutting his eyes.

Steve couldn’t help but smile a little as he looked around at his misfit bunch of teammates, sleeping peacefully like guard dogs by his side.

He looked down at Tony, who was worn-out and untidy and so, so beautiful that it made Steve’s heart ache with longing, and the last thing he remembered before drifting back into sleep was the soft blue glow of the arc reactor, how it lit up even the darkest hospital rooms.

 

 

“When I went out for my donuts, I really didn’t expect it to be that painful.” Steve muttered, as his eyes flickered open again a few hours later.

Tony’s head snapped up from where it had been lolling, and after a few seconds of him sweeping up and down Steve’s body worriedly, he seemed to relax again, letting out a sigh of relief and grinning slightly. It was tired and concern still lingered in his features, but at least it was a smile rather than the permanent frown he appeared to have ben sporting for the past 24 hours.

“ If I were you, I would just be worried about my reputation after the whole ‘ I got kidnapped by a group of violent toddlers’ fiasco. It’s gonna take a while before I let you live that one down.” Tony replied, leaning back and resting his head against the wall.

Steve groaned, moving his hands to cover his face. They felt like they were made of rock, stiff and heavy and grating, but it was more of a dull ache than a real pain, and Steve was grateful for that, at least.

“Ugh, I will literally do anything to make you not talk about that ever again. Possibly the most embarrassing experience of my life, Jesus. I just wanted my donuts, I don't deserve this kind of treatment.” Steve mumbled into his hands, and Tony laughed from beside him.

“The kids are in interrogation right now, I actually went in about half an hour ago, just to pay them a little visit. I asked them what happened to respect your elders, and they told me to shove a cactus up my ass. Behavior these days is shocking, I was never like that.” Tony said, shaking his head.

Steve turned to face him, and raised an eyebrow.

“Okay, fine, there may have been a few instances where I told some members of the community to insert uncomfortable objects up inside various genitalia, but I was young, and at least I didn’t kidnap the people I didn’t like! I just screwed with their bank records!” Tony replied, putting his hand to his reactor and looking appalled at Steve’s unspoken accusation.

“Tony, last week you told Fury you were gonna shove your repulsor up his ass and fire.”

“He was saying my designs weren’t as good as Hammer’s! That is worse than insulting someone’s mother, Rogers!”

Steve laughed, and they sat in comfortable silence for a few minutes, Tony tapping something into his phone as Steve tried not to stare too obviously as the man stuck out his tongue in concentration, even though it was cute as _fuck_ and did things to Steve that he would rather not admit to.

“Oh, shit, I completely forgot, DONUTS!” Tony yelled, jumping to his feet and hurrying out of the door without another word. Steve was all too used to Tony’s absentmindedness by now, and the sudden exit didn’t even faze him any more. No doubt Tony would come back, whether it be two minutes or two hours later.

Sure enough, he returned twenty minutes later, much to Steve’s amusement, his hair windswept and messy, with a box in his hand and a huge grin on his face.

“DONUTS!” He yelled excitedly, sitting down on Steve’s hospital bed and thrusting the box in his face.

Steve peered in through the clear plastic lid at the nine, perfectly glazed, beautiful pastries he had been thinking about for two days now, and his face broke out into a huge smile.

“DONUTS!” Steve replied, putting his hand over the lid and doing his best to open up the lid. Unfortunately, due to the amount of morphine they were pumping into his system mixed with his sore limbs, all he succeeded in doing was pawing at it like a hungry dog and denting the lid.

He looked up at Tony, pouting a little in sadness and hoping the man would take pity on him. But tony just laughed, and moved the box away, opening it up and grabbing one for himself before Steve could get his hands on it.

“You’re mean.”

“Guilty.”

“And also, I nearly died, you heartless monster. I think I’m owed some god-damn donuts.”

Tony took out another donut, and bit into that one, too. He now had a donut in each hand, and Steve wasn’t even strong enough to fight him for them.

“Please, Tony, I’m so weak and frail, I need them. I’m an invalid. You need to be nice to me. I’ll do _anything_ , just let me have a donut.”

“Anything?” Tony asked, raising his eyebrows and winking.

Steve spluttered, feeling his cheeks go red and his heartbeat speed up a little. Dammnit, why did Tony always do that to him?!

“I…I mean- not like- I’m…”

Tony’s smile faltered a little, and something that reminded Steve too much like hurt flashed across his face- but it was gone a moment later and replaced with an exaggerated eye-roll.

“Okay, okay, sorry- no inappropriate comments toward the socially awkward 95 year old, my mistake. Here, I’ve left you eight donuts, because I’m nice. I’m sure they’ll last you a good five minutes. But, um, I have to go…do stuff. Important stuff that I’m sure Pepper is nagging me about. Yep. I’ll see you in a few hours, Cap,” Tony said, quickly standing up and smoothing down his suit.

Steve’s face fell a little. He had barely been conscious for more than half an hour, and now Tony was off again. Of course, Steve knew that he was a busy man, running a company and being a superhero simultaneously was hard work, obviously.  
But it didn’t make it any less annoying when Tony had to rush off to god-knows-where for SI or the Avengers. Steve was a big enough person to admit it, he wanted Tony all for himself.

(Maybe being head over heels in love had something to do with that.)

“Hey, Tony?” Steve called out, just as the man was about to close the door behind him.

“Yeah?”

“…Thanks. For coming to get me, I mean. I just…you know I’d do the same for you, right?” Steve said, looking up at Tony and smiling.

Tony paused; looking confused for a moment, and Steve wondered how many times Tony had actually been told that he was cared for in his life.

 

“I’ll always come get you, Steve. Always.” Tony said, throwing Steve a tiny smile before turning back and walking out of the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry this is…i don't even know what this is but I DO know that i wrote this while I was sleep deprived and craving sugary foods, hence the donuts. I can only apologise.


	4. Chapter 4

5.

 

Steve didn’t know how long he’d been walking out here, in the snow, but it sure as hell felt like eternity.

There was nothing out here, just trees and trees and snow and trees and snow.

 _One foot in front of the other, Rogers. Just keep going, we’re on our way-_ Said Natasha, walking beside him and smiling encouragingly.

 _You can do this, buddy. Just hold out a little longer. I know its tough, but if anyone can survive off pure unwillingness to die, it’s you_ \- Clint assured him, as he jogged ahead and turned around to walk backwards, facing Steve and putting his thumbs up.

Steve chuckled, and on his right, someone laughed along with him.

He turned and saw Bruce, who said nothing, but nodded and smiled gently.

Thor was flying up ahead, laughing as Mjolnir propelled him along, flying circles around the rest of them.

 _What is there to be afraid of, my Captain? I find this snow to be very enjoyable!_ He called out, whooping in childish glee as he flew into a nearby tree and was enveloped in snow and leaves.

And then, on his left, Tony rolled his eyes and glanced up at Steve, shaking his head and chuckling a little at Thor’s antics. His hand was linked with Steve’s own, and it was the warmest thing Steve could possibly have imagined.

 _I told you I would always come and get you, Steve. I mean it. I’m on my way. And I won’t stop until I find you, I swear-_  He said, squeezing on Steve’s hand as they walked through the freezing Siberian landscape together.

 

Then Steve blinked, and they were gone again.

 

He knew they would come back. They had first shown up around the 32nd hour of walking, and had flitted in and out ever since.

He wasn’t sure what hour he was on now. But he knew that he couldn’t walk in a straight line and was seeing two of everything, which meant exhaustion was setting in pretty heavily by now.

But he had to keep going. If he stopped and rested then he would fall asleep and if he fell asleep then he would stay that way and it would be like The Red Skull and the bombs and the plane all over again and Steve couldn’t do that, he wasn’t strong enough for-

He had to keep going.

Just walk.

 

They’re coming.

They’re coming.

 

 

It was hard to tell reality apart from memory, anymore. The landscape was littered with bodies of the soldiers he left behind in the 40’s, and there were trains and chasms and Bucky falling and Red faces and _shit,_ Steve had fallen over again…

He wanted to stay there, on the floor. It was freezing and Steve was so, so tired. It would be easy. All he had to do was close his eyes, and sleep would do the rest. He was too cold to care if he woke up again or not; he just wanted it all to stop. He wanted the flashbacks to go away, he wanted to go _home._

 _Please, Steve. I need you to keep going. I need you to stand up-_  Tony said, kneeling down so he was on the floor with Steve, his imaginary hands resting on Steve’s cheeks.

“I- I c-c-can’t.” Steve choked, his teeth chattering in the cold.

Tony leaned down, pressing a soft kiss on Steve’s forehead, and he looked down on the exhausted soldier beneath him.

 _es you can. I know you can. Please, Steve, do it for me. Stand up and keep walking for me, baby. You can do this. I swear, I’m so near now, just a few more minutes and I’ll be right here with you-_ Tony begged, rubbing his thumbs across Steve’s jaw; an action that would be far more comforting if it were real.

Numbly, Steve nodded, getting shakily back on to his trembling legs, and Tony beamed up at him so brightly it looked like it was almost real- and then he vanished again and Steve was left to walk through the forests alone once more.

 

One foot in front of the other.

One foot in front of the other.

One foot in front of the other.

 

As Steve walked onward, he could’ve sworn he heard the sound of repulsors cutting through the air.  
But nothing came, and Steve kept going.

One foot in front of the other.

One foot in front of the other.

One foot in front of the other.

 

...Something was coming.

Through the trees. Steve could see it. But it wasn’t red or gold or anything familiar.

 

Steve couldn’t hold back the bitter laugh that escaped his lips once he managed to focus on the figures as they prowled through the trees.

HYDRA. Absolutely fucking _typical._

 

Just before he had gotten himself lost in these seemingly endless forests, he and the rest of the team had been targeting one of their bases, intending to go in and rescue all the test-subjects that HYDRA had taken against their will.

Of course, then Steve had somehow managed to fall down some random fucking cliff and lose communication with the rest of the team. They had no idea where he had gone, and so Steve had no other choice but to see if he could make his way back up somehow, and find the rest of the team.

Somewhere along the way, he had gotten quite hopelessly lost- and yet here HYDRA were, apparently perfectly capable of finding him.

A small voice in his head wondered how the idiots working for HYDRA had managed to find him before his team did, unless The Avengers weren’t even looking for him at all.  
He told that voice to shut the fuck up.

 

The people in the black suits were advancing, their torches cutting through the darkness and sweeping, searching for him.

At this point, he would willingly go with them. At least they might take him somewhere a little warmer.

 _Rogers, now is not the time to feel sorry for yourself. Hide. You can’t run, not in this state. But you can disappear. And I strongly advise that you do just that_ \- Natasha commanded, her figure appearing directly in front of him and looking him right in the eyes, her gaze sharp and intense.

 _She’s right, you know. Trust me, it won’t be any better where they’re taking you. Take cover, hopefully they’ll miss you-_  Clint added, his bow drawn threateningly, and even though he was 100% imaginary, it was still soothing to see.

P _sst, idiot, down here, quick or they'll see you_ \- Tony whispered, and Steve moved his head to the sound, where Tony was huddled up between a large holly bush and one of the many pine trees. There was a deep indent in the tree, just big enough for Steve to fit into comfortably, and the bush covered the rest of his body.

It wasn’t the best, but it would do.

The imaginary Tony shuffled up, letting Steve sit in the space he had taken up, and then grabbed Steve’s hand again, not taking his eyes off the enemy ahead.

Sat like this, backed up against a tree and in the relative cover from the harsh wind, it was even easier to fall asleep. But as soon as he thought that, the heads of every one of his imaginary friends twisted around and looked at him disapprovingly, so he decided against it.

Even when she was a figment of Steve’s imagination, Natasha still had one hell of a death-glare.

The HYDRA soldiers were getting nearer now, advancing slowly and silently upon his position, and Steve knew it wasn’t going to be enough, that they were going to find him and take him away and do whatever it was they wanted to do with him.

He could try and fight. It wouldn’t end well for him, but he could try.

At this point, Steve could barely keep his own head upright, let alone try and take on twenty-something heavily armed HYDRA soldiers.

 _Nonono, Steve, don’t do it, don’t close your eyes, c’mon, please honey, just a few more seconds_ \- Tony begged from beside him, but even Steve’s own mind couldn’t fight off the sleep anymore, and his head was lolling forward in exhaustion and it felt to good to shut his eyes for a few seconds...

 

Wait.

 

That was definitely a repulsor blast, this time. No doubt. And it sounded near, only a few meters, even.

Maybe Steve could stay awake for a few more seconds after all.

 

Turning his head slightly, he watched as Iron Man descended from the air, swooping and looping and blasting at HYDRA, as the soldiers crumpled and flew outward like paper in the breeze.

It was a magnificent thing, to watch Tony in action. And it was even nicer to watch when it meant that Steve was finally, finally saved.

It had taken them long enough, after all.

Steve tried to shout, he tried to wave his hand or move or do something to let Tony know he was there- but the weak waving of his hand only sent him falling face first into the thick snow, and his tiny shouts were just whipped away by the sharp gusts of wind.Tony couldn’t see him. He was going to fly away and leave Steve behind, without knowing he had come so close.

 

Someone nearby Steve fired something powerful at Iron Man, but Tony saw it and swerved fluidly out of the way just in time, compensating for his sharp movement by somersaulting in the air.

“Give up your searches, Mr. Stark. The Captain is long gone, by now. We have taken your friend, and now we shall take you too! Hail HYDRA!” The guard with the gun screamed, which would’ve sounded a lot more convincing if they hadn’t been shaking quite so much.

Steve could’ve sworn he heard Tony laugh though the suit.

Arcing through the sky, Iron Man flew in and dropped right in front of the guard, pulling the weapon from her hand and crushing it as if it were tinfoil. Steve tried to call out again, because Tony was _so fucking close_ now, but either Tony couldn’t hear him or Steve wasn’t actually getting any sound out, because neither of the two people in front of him showed any sign of hearing another voice at all.

“Okay, I’m only gonna ask you nicely, just this once, because I don’t have time for your bullshit. Where. Is. Steve?” Tony asked, and even through the robotic voice of the suit, Steve could hear the aggression there.

Obviously the guard could, too, judging by the look of utter panic on their face. Unfortunately for them, however, they decided to remain silent.

Sighing, Tony grabbed their arm and shoved them against a nearby tree so hard it splintered. The unlucky guard yelled out in pain, but still said nothing.

“Honey, I’m gonna keep hurting you until you fucking talk- you came out here for a reason, you know at least approximately where his location is. And you’re going to tell me, or I swear to you I am going to break every single fucking bone in your body.” Tony explained, pressing even harder into the form underneath his hands until there was a crack of ribs and a scream.

“I’m HERE, Tony! I’m h-h-here!” Steve shouted, with ever ounce of strength of power inside him. But the wind swept it away and Tony didn’t hear it yet again.

When the guard had stopped screaming, Tony gave her a few more seconds to regain her composure in order to talk- and when that didn’t happen, he twisted her arm until it snapped.

“You think I’m fucking _joking_? Believe me, sweetie, I'm ain't no righteous Captain America. If I have to hurt you in order for you to tell me where he is, I will. In a motherfucking heartbeat.”

“You-you, you don’t have it in you, Mr. Stark. You are a superhero, you would not…” The guard whimpered, sounding more as if she were talking to herself than to Tony.

“Oh, I think you’re seriously underestimating just what I would do for Steve Rogers. Shame, because that just might be the last thing you ever fucking do.” Tony replied.

It went on like that for another minute or so. The woman didn’t say anything, and Tony broke something else. But it looked like the guard was going to take her secret to the grave, and it appeared Tony was becoming more and more frustrated with every passing second.

Steve knew he didn’t have long. Tony was going to fly away soon, look for someone else to interrogate, and Steve really couldn’t hold out any more. Blackness was creeping into the corners of his vision, and the landscape was fuzzy and blurred.

He needed to wait for his moment of opportunity.

And soon enough, the wind was beginning to die down, just for a second, and the guard had stopped screaming once again-and this was it, the window of opening where it might just be quiet enough for Tony to finally pick up his voice.

“TONY!” Steve called out, knowing that it probably sounded barely louder than a whisper.

It wasn’t going to be enough.  
It wasn’t going to be enough.  
It wasn’t going to be enough.

 

But then Tony froze, mid-punch, and his head turned faster than anything Steve had ever seen before.

 _“Steve?!!_ ” He yelled out, abandoning the HYDRA soldier on the floor and turning his head frantically, searching for the voice.

“m’here,” Steve mumbled, his face half buried in the snow.

Tony spun round, and Steve knew that he was talking to JARVIS through the suit, telling him to do a thermal scan on the nearby area.

Steve watched- a tiny, drained smile forming on his lips when Tony’s faceplate turned to look directly toward him.

_Bingo._

Instantly, the suit was disassembling, and Tony was stumbling out into the open, closing the gap between them and falling to the floor in front of Steve, his knees sinking into the deep snow.

“ _Jesus fucking Christ_ , why is it always you, Steve?! Oh _fuck_ , you’re freezing, Jesus…here, I’m going to give you a hug okay, don’t freak out on me, please.” Tony rambled, pulling Steve into his chest and wrapping his arms around Steve’s limp body, holding on so tightly it hurt.

Tony was so warm. So, so warm.

“s’nice” Steve mumbled into Tony’s (lovely, warm) shirt, nestling his head into the crook of Tony’s neck and shutting his eyes.

“What’s nice, Steve?” Tony asked, trying to sit him up and keep him talking, the worry clear on his face.

“You,” Steve answered groggily, before finally, finally giving in and slipping away into unconsciousness, despite Tony’s muffled protests.

 

 

“That’s the second time this month you’ve woken up in medical. You need to sort out your shit, Rogers.”

Steve let his eyes flutter open, and saw Natasha was sat on a chair next to him, her fingers absent-mindedly carding through his hair.

He chuckled a little, his brain still working slowly and his limbs heavy with tiredness.  
“I’m so sorry to have inconvenienced you, Natasha. I’m afraid I was too busy focusing on not dying to wonder whether or not my actions would result in your annoyance.” He replied sleepily, pressing into her hand contentedly and smiling lightly.

She rolled her eyes, and took her hand away, slapping him round the head lightly and smirking at his pout.

“You’re spending way too much time with Tony, my friend. Soon you'll be telling Fury to do obscene things and swearing in front of ladies.” She replied in mock horror.

“Suck a dick, Tash.” Steve said, turning into his pillow and shutting his eyes.

He heard Natasha’s tinkering laugh, caught the briefest whiff of her expensive perfume, and Steve thought vaguely about how much he loved all his team.

They’d found him. He knew they would.

“Okay, he’s already corrupted you, I see. Oh, that reminds me- Tony told me that if you woke up I had to tell you that he’s sorry he couldn’t be here, but we ended up forcing him to go home and shower and rest, seeing as he hadn’t left your bedside for the four days you’ve been sleeping off your exhaustion. He was starting to take on the look of a homeless person.”

Natasha sighed, and then flicked his ear tiredly.

“You know, you really need to stop scaring him like that. His heart’s weak enough as it is, and you’re not helping going off and nearly dying twice in a month.” Natasha said, raising her eyebrows and glancing out of the door, as if she expected Tony to somehow materialize there just from saying his name.

Steve looked down and bit his lip guiltily. He could still see Tony’s face in the back of his mind, the worry and fear carved into his features as he hauled Steve’s unresponsive body up from the snow and gripped him tight enough to break bones in a normal human.

“I thought he was going to cry with relief when they said all you were suffering from was exhaustion. And yeah, some pretty fucking major exhaustion, true, but at least your toes hadn’t fallen off or something.” Natasha said, and grinned when Steve automatically began inspecting all his digits to make sure they were still intact.

After he was 100% certain all body parts were still attached, he leant back down on his bed, thinking quietly to himself as Natasha began to play with his hair once again.

“Okay, spit it out.” She said suddenly, stopping the hair-playing, much to Steve’s dismay.

“Spit what out?”

“You’re thinking too loudly. It’s aggravating me.”

“You can’t- that’s not…okay, whatever, but I don’t have any thoughts, okay? Just absent-minded wonderings, you know?”

“Steven.”

“Okay, okay, fine!” Steve paused, trying to figure out how he was going to phrase his question.

“I just- well, it’s not really a big thing, it’s just, you know-“

“Oh my God, just say-“

“Why does he _care_ so damn much? I don’t… why?” Steve spluttered, looking up at her and blushing furiously.

Natasha said nothing, but her eyes narrowed ever so slightly.

“Well, wouldn’t you do the same thing for him?” She asked, and there was an undertone of danger in her voice, as if she were daring Steve to say no.

Actually, he was too busy being offended at what she was implying to worry about being terrified.

“ _Of course I would_ , Natasha! But, it’s…different for me.” Steve said, shifting uncomfortably under the covers and looking away over her shoulder.

“In what way?” She asked, even though she was probably very much aware of the answer. She just wanted to hear Steve say it. Because she was evil.

“Because I fucking love him, okay? Because I think the sun shines out of his ass and literally sometimes have to stop myself from just jumping his bones randomly in the middle of the street because he looks so pretty and I honestly have very little self control for someone who is supposed to be a national icon. Are you happy now, devil woman?”

Natasha stared at him for a good ten seconds, before throwing her hands up in annoyance.

“Oooh, so _now_ you’ve finally decided to stop living in denial? It took you goddamn long enough! What was that now, like, five months of living in the tower? And only now do you finally admit that you are actually desperately in love with our resident genius? You could have been banging for five whole months, you socially awkward loser. Well at least now you’ve finally come to terms with your feelings, you can ask him out already. I was getting so fucking sick of walking in on you two making fucking lovey-eyes at each other from across the room.” Natasha told him, looking more relieved than he had ever seen her before.

“What, wait, no! I’m not… I’m not going to do anything about it! He’s too-he doesn’t even like me!” Steve said quickly, grabbing at Natasha’s hand in case she tried to flee and reveal his secret to the world before he could explain things properly to her.

“Listen, I’m aware of how I feel. I have been for a while now. But- I can’t. I can’t do anything and I wont do anything because Tony only sees me as a friend and I’m sure as hell not going to ruin that for the both of us.” Steve said, trying not to let Natasha know quite how much it stung to say that.

“You honestly believe that, don’t you?” Natasha said quietly.

Steve nodded, looking back down at his hands. He was too tired for this confession-bullshit, he just wanted to sleep for another few million years and then go home. That really wasn’t too much to ask, considering all he’d been through.

“Okay, let me put it this way. When we first found out you’d gone missing, Thor had to physically _drag_ Tony back into the battle, because he’d already gone flying out after you. And once we finally managed to persuade him to stay and help out the last few hostages, he did it as fast as he possibly could and then shot out through the wall in order to start the search.  
He didn’t stop looking for three and a half days. He didn’t eat, didn’t sleep. Just kept flying through the forest trying to pick up a life sign. I think he blamed himself, for some reason. He thought it was his fault for letting you come on the mission, even though he knew that you didn’t cope too well in this sort of climate.”

“ _What_? That’s a load of crap, I made my own decisions, he can’t possibly think-“

“Let me finish my story, Rogers. I’m teaching you a lesson, here.

“Right, sorry, continue.”

“Okay, you know Tony has this thing about torture, right?” She asked, leaning back a little.

Steve nodded again; remembering the many arguments Tony and SHIELD had had over their time together over the treatment of prisoners needed for interrogation. All of the Avengers knew about his time spent in Afghanistan, and it had seemed his own experiences had made him very morally opposed to the idea.

“And yet, the moment you go missing, BAM, he’s breaking limbs all over the place. You saw what he did to that soldier- even I was starting to feel sorry for them. I don’t…I’ve never seen that side of him before. I’m used to him covering his eyes at horror movies and shuddering when I get too graphic with some of my stories. This was- new. This was him at his most dangerous, his most unforgiving. What I’m trying to say is that- that there’s nothing he wouldn’t do to keep you safe, Steve. I’m sure he would do the same for the rest of us too, but you…it’s like another level with you. And whatever you might think, what he feels for you sure as hell isn’t just friendship. It’s never been that, to be honest. Not for him, anyway.” Natasha explained.

Steve looked at her. And looked. And looked.

“What? He finally said.

It was just so ridiculous. Tony didn’t like him. Tony had always seen Steve as nothing more than a friend. And anyway, Steve was pretty sure Tony was straight- when had he ever brought home a guy, since Steve had moved into the tower? Never, was the answer.

And let’s not get started on how hopelessly out of Steve’s league Tony was. Genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist- and what was he? An experiment, a hopelessly lost guy from the 40’s who was still trying to figure out where he fit in the world.  
They were so different. Tony would probably just laugh is Steve tried to bring it up.

“Just think on what I said, Steve, okay? You deserve to be happy. And so does he.” Natasha finished, standing up and stretching like a cat, before leaving without another word with a confounded Steve in her wake.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just so you are aware, I am literally the worst person in the world when it comes to being tech-savvy, which of course, makes it fairly problematic when writing about computer stuff, seeing as i have like, no idea at all what the fuck I am actually writing. About 99% of any tech-talk is stuff I just pulled directly from my ass, so please just put it down to artistic license or…you know…idiocy.

+1.

“What do you mean, he’s _gone_?” Steve yelled at Fury, slamming his hands down on the table so hard it cracked the reinforced glass.

The others were reacting in similar ways- Natasha and Clint had subconsciously gone for their weapons, glaring at Fury with looks that would send even the worst HYRDA soldiers running in fright. Bruce had long since left the room, in order to try and contain the Hulk, who was rearing its green head in anger.  
Outside, the weather was turning into a very Thor-like thunderstorm, as the god sat and stared at Fury as if he were the worst mortal to ever grace Midgard.

“I mean, Rogers, he chose to take this mission, he knew the dangers before walking in there, and now he’s-“

“ _Knew the dangers_? Don’t give me that bullshit, Fury, you sent him in there with an entirely different objective to what you told him! You used him as bait, tipped off HYDRA that he was going to be there without the suit so that they would come out of the shadows and try to snatch him, when all he thought was that he was going to that charity ball to help raise some publicity for them! You played on his kindness and generosity to get what you wanted, and you even fucked that up! HYDRA ran rings around you, and they took him without even fucking trying!” Steve shouted, trying to keep himself from outright punching the guy in the nose and walking out to find Tony himself.

It had been seven hours since Tony had been grabbed by the squadron of HYDRA goons that had stormed the charity ball he had been attending- and yet only half an hour since Fury had decided the Avengers needed to know about it.

None of them had even known Tony had gone out at all. Usually, he would make sure to tell them where he was headed, even if it was just out to the shops for some food. Tony was careful like that, despite his generally reckless behavior, he would always let the team know where he was. But he’d gone out and none of the team had even known about it.  
Although, Tony had been off the grid since…since the fiasco at the party. Steve hadn’t even seen tony in a week. So this wasn’t particularly surprising.

And then, of course, with spectacular timing from SHIELD, it’s decided Tony is going to be used to bait out HYDRA without his knowledge or consent, in order for SHIELD to get their hands on one of HYDRA’s special ops division.

And because SHIELD is fucking brilliant like that, they only go and fuck up the whole operation, resulting in HYDRA successfully managing to snatch Tony and not one HYDRA soldier actually being captured. So the whole thing was for nothing.

“Captain, you need to calm down-“

“Fury, you have no right to tell the Captain to calm down, when he has perfect justification for his anger. What you have done is disgusting, we on Asgard would condemn a leader for such actions.”

“Well, Thor, we’re on Earth now, and what I did was attempt to crack down on some of HYDRA’s top agents! But missions go wrong, and there’s nothing-“

“Nick, there are about fifty different regulations you just broke by not telling Tony what he was going into. He could’ve gone prepared, could’ve protected himself from this if you’d have told him the truth-“

“Oh yeah, Barton, because you never break regulation in order to do your damn job-“

“Not when it endangers the wellbeing of my team, my friends, no!”

“Barton, missions go wrong. Shit happens, people get taken and it’s our fault, but we have our best agents working on finding him.”

Steve stood up; kicking out his chair and hearing it topple to the floor. He was shaking all over, and all he wanted to do right now was punch something. Or someone. Who wore an eye patch.

“Your ‘best agents’ aren’t going to be god enough, Fury. Whatever HYDRA has planned for him, it’s not good. I’m going after him. As are the rest of the team. At least we might actually get some shit done, unlike you and your team of incapable fucks.” He shouted, turning his back on the man in front of him and walking out of the conference room before the urge to deform Fury’s face become too difficult to contain.

“No, Captain. I will not allow that, I’m afraid. You’re personal relationship with him makes you a target; you’re too emotionally unstable right now to do him any good. We have this under control, and he will be back with you in no time, but for now you are ordered to stand down and wait for-“

“Shut the fuck up, Fury, before I take my shield and shove it up your ass.” Steve growled, slamming the door behind it and splintering it down the middle.

“What he said.” Natasha muttered, smiling a little as she left the room with Clint and Thor following behind silently.

 

They were working with JARVIS, hacking into security feeds and doing facial recognition, concentrating on anywhere within a seven-hour radius of New York.  
So far, they’d got nothing.

“They can’t have just disappeared! Is there any way we can narrow down the search?” Clint said irritably, as Natasha worked with Bruce and JARVIS on the hunt. Thor had disappeared a few hours back, trying to persuade Heimdall to ignore Odin’s orders to leave Midgard alone and help them track Tony as a one-off, but they all knew it was a pretty fruitless effort. In all Thor’s time here, they had never been able to get any Asgardian help (Thanks, Odin).

“Not one that I can think of. They went in and came out very smoothly- disabled all CCTV within a mile radius of the building, using the same sort of jamming-signal we found in Siberia. We have no idea where they went, or what sort of vehicle they were using. And no doubt if they have taken Tony out somewhere, they’ve hidden his face to stop us doing exactly this. I’m not…I’m not sure what else we can do, from here,” Bruce explained, tiredly adjusting his glasses and running a hand through his unruly hair.

Steve sat at the back of the room, listening in silently. He hadn’t moved since they got back to the tower.

He thought back to the times when it had been him in trouble- of how Tony hadn’t stopped working, moving, helping to get him back using everything in his power.

And here Steve was, the positions reversed, and he was sat here, absolutely _useless._

“Penny for your thoughts?” Natasha asked, as she silently sat down on the couch next to him.

Steve looked straight ahead, at all the screens full of coding he couldn’t understand and the frustratingly grainy CCTV images.

“This is my fault.” He said blankly, feeling his stomach twist as the words fell out of his mouth.

“Okay, you’re gonna have to explain to me how HYDRA crashing the party, on SHIELD’s tip off, and taking Tony when you were miles away is in any way your fault, because I’m not seeing it, Rogers.” She said, looking at him quizzically and shifting so her body was turned to face him.

He glanced up at her, and wished he had something in his hands that he could focus on instead. Her gaze was piercing and concentrated and made Steve feel as if she were reading him like an open book (she probably was.)

“He’s been avoiding us all. Staying in his lab, only coming out at some ridiculously late time and making sure none of us are about when he does.” Steve started, and Natasha nodded slightly, as if encouraging him to go on.

He cleared his throat and looked at the wall opposite her, shame and guilt pulling at him like a vice.

“He tried to kiss me. At Darcy’s party last week. But, um, I was so shocked- it was… I’d always thought he’d never…and so I pushed him away, pretty hard. I was just so _surprised!_ I thought he was drunk, or something!” Steve blurted, feeling the familiar blush crawl up his cheeks.

Natasha’s eyes narrowed, and she spoke slowly, dangerously.

“Please tell me that you didn’t ask the one-year-sober Tony Stark, recovering alcoholic, if he was _drunk_?”

Steve screwed his eyes shut and put a hand through his hair, and nodded his head. “It just came out! You know I’m no good at this stuff, I panic, start thinking out loud, act like a total idiot! This is why it’s always Tony who speaks at events and stuff, because I just don’t know what to do when someone says or does something out of the blue!”

He heard the tiny sigh escape from her lips, and looked up to see she had her eyes closed.

“Then what?” She asked, in a clipped voice.

“Well, I picked him up off the floor-“

“ _You THREW HIM ON THE FLOOR_? Jesus fucking _Christ,_ Steve, are you _insane?!”_ Natasha cried out, letting her head loll forward and holding her forehead in her hands.

“It was an accident! I told you, I panicked and pushed him away- but, you know, super-soldier and all, it was probably a bit stronger than most gentle shoves are supposed to be.” Steve admitted.

When Natasha didn’t lift her head or contribute anything, Steve continued. She was rubbing slowly at her temples, which probably wasn't a good sign,  
“Well, I picked him up and I was saying sorry and stuff, and he was trying to leave but I didn’t want him to, and then he said that he had to go and talk to someone-and I wanted to lighten the mood, make a joke, you know? And- and so I asked him if he had another pretty blond on hold in case I said no.” Steve whispered, screwing his eyes shut as he remembered how upset Tony had looked when Steve had attempted to clear up the total fuckfest he had just created by making an appalling attempt at a joke.

Natasha’s head cracked up like a whip, and she had slapped Steve round the face before he could even blink.

 _Fucking motherfucking Jesus fucking FUCK, OUCH_ \- Steve screamed internally, as his hand shot up to try and defend any other oncoming attacks from the angry redhead.

“So, to recap here. The man who loves you, and who you love back, makes a move on you. You panic, and your first reaction is to THROW HIM ACROSS THE FLOOR. Then, you ask him, the recovering alcoholic, if he is drunk. And once you have picked him up off the floor you just threw him across, you backhandedly call him a slut? Smooth, Rogers, real fucking smooth. You should write a fucking book- how to flirt 101; written by the biggest fucking moron I have ever met in my entire life. And that’s saying something, considering the fact that I know Clint Barton.” Natasha said, shaking her head and intensifying her temple-rubbing.

There were various other foul Russian swears, and many blasphemous phrases that were spoken for the next few minutes, before Natasha finally opened her eyes again and looked at Steve with a relatively calm expression.

“Well at least that solves the mystery of why he was avoiding everyone. And I take it, the reason he didn’t tell us he was going out was because of the fact that he was hiding from us, which is why you are blaming yourself for this whole fuck-up,” Natasha muttered, and Steve turned back to the CCTV screens, trying to quell the growing feeling of nausea in his stomach.

 

He knew what sort of stuff HYDRA did to its prisoners. He had seen enough of the corpses to know exactly what they were capable of.

Tony was thick in the middle of that. And it was because of Steve. If something happened…

Steve would never forgive himself

 

“Listen, Steve, you can’t blame yourself for this. I mean, by your logic, you could blame Darcy for hosting the party, or Darcy’s boss for giving her the raise that paid for it. If you go back far enough, you can find a way to blame anyone. But the only people who are truly responsible for this are HYDRA- and when we find them we’re gonna kick their ass to kingdom come, okay? You were a fucking idiot, and you handled the whole thing with Tony quite spectacularly poorly, but hey, at least now you know that he definitely likes you, right? And after this is all over, you can apologize and grovel for a million years, and maybe then he might decide to forgive you.”

“And what if we don’t get him back?” Steve mumbled, staring into his friend’s eyes with fear written all over his face.

“We will. We’ve done this before, okay? We’ll find him and bring him home and this time you can kiss him properly without launching him across a room, and it will all be very disgusting and romantic, I promise.” Natasha assured him, placing a hand on his arm and smiling slightly.

 

Of course, that was when the video footage started playing.

 

Everyone jumped to attention, Natasha and Steve sprinting to the front of the room and toward the TV screen where the feed had just popped up.

It was Tony.

“How the fuck are they doing this?” Steve asked, wondering how they could possibly have broken through all the firewalls that Tony put up around his tech.

“They’re not actually managing to get past the security of all Tony’s computers, or anything that’s connected to the StarkIndustries network, so they’re playing it through an external system, or the TV. That’s not protected, it’s got its own network connections, making it easier to tap into.” Bruce said, eyes fixed on the semi-conscious man on-screen.

Natasha instantly began typing on the computers in front of her; hands moving lightning fast as Steve guessed she was trying to trace the source of the video.

“Hello, Avengers,” Said a voice from the shadows behind Tony.

(Of course, they had to do the dramatic entrance. You can’t have a kidnapping without a fucking dramatic entrance.)

Stepping out from the darkness was a tall, thin man with long black hair that curled at the ends of his neck. Behind him were two huge guards, who moved to stand on either side of Tony.

Becoming aware of another presence in the room, Tony’s unfocused gaze pulled upward, and he smiled lazily at the camera placed in front of him. He had obviously been drugged, his pupils were blown wide and he was shuddering from head to toe.

“I take it this is going straight to my friends back in the tower? Fabulous, I’m gonna use this opportunity to tell you all to get me the fuck out of here, please, it’s cold and these guys obviously have never heard of dental hygiene-“

One of the guards clocked him across the jaw, and Steve could hear the crack as fist hit skin. The desk cracked a little under Steve’s fingers, and shards of glass bit into his skin. He didn’t even notice.

“He’s a talker, isn’t he, our Tony Stark? The pretty little playboy with more money than sense- always seems to end up in these sort of situations, don’t you?” The man said, bending down in order to talk to Tony. His face was dangerously near Tony’s own, and something about the way he was looking at him made Steve’s skin crawl.

Tony took one look at him, grinned, and spat blood in the man’s face.

“Jesus, Tones, don’t antagonize the lunatic, rule number fucking one,” Clint muttered, running an anxious hand through his hair.

Instantly, the two men behind him descended, one of them hitting Tony in the ribs and the other going for his face again. Bruce had to leave the room in fear of yet another hulking incident.

The man who Tony had spat on didn’t even seem fazed, and turned to face the camera without even wiping it from his cheek. In fact, he was smiling.

_Fucking psychopaths._

“All we want is funding. At the present time, HYDRA is…well, we have had better days. So, I am asking 20 million for your Iron Man- that seems like a fair deal, yes? I am aware of Stark Industries refusal to pay ransoms, but consider this a personal matter. I’m sure you can find the funds from somewhere. You have three hours to transfer the money to the bank account number we have just posted through your tower door. After that…well, I know the Captain has a certain attachment to Mr. Stark, but he’s so pretty, I might just keep him all for myself.” The man purred, and the last thing they all saw was the man bending down and licking the side of Tony’s face, before the screen blacked out and the room was left in a heavy silence.

 

Steve snapped the desk clean in half, and the things lying on top of it went toppling to the floor.

 

“We need to find him. As fast as fucking possible. Steve, buddy, you still with us? You’ve gotta stay calm, okay, it won’t help if you just get flustered, it’s what they want.” Clint said, turning and resting a hand on Steve’s forearm.

But he was still staring at the blank screen in front of him, and barely even heard.

This was his fault. Tony was stuck there with that fucking psycho and it was because of Steve.

He needed to help. He needed to focus and concentrate and do something to contribute to the effort.

He watched as Natasha glared at the cross-referencing computer that was searching for sightings of Tony’s face like she could scare it into working faster. On a human, that would definitely have succeeded, but unfortunately, inanimate objects never responded as well.

_Just think. If you want to find Tony Stark in a crowd full of people, what would you look for? The beard? The suit? The money?_

“Have you tried doing a search on CCTV for the arc reactor instead of his face? It would probably take a lot less time, what with there only being one reactor in the world, but, you know, billions of faces. ” Steve asked suddenly, sitting up in his chair.

Everyone in the room paused, and Bruce, who had now re-entered the room looked at him for a few moments, before beginning to nod a little, then nod a lot, practically throwing himself back at the computers and beginning to type furiously.

“You know what, Steve, that might just work. I can’t believe I didn’t fucking think of that- at least one of us is using their fucking brains.” Bruce muttered, mostly talking to himself as he changed the search-codes to look for anything resembling Tony’s arc reactor-glow. Luckily, Tony had only been wearing a thin shirt and no jacket on the night he was taken, which made everything a whole lot easier. If he hadn’t been, there might not have been any arc-reactor light at all.

 

Twenty minutes later, the computer flashed a result on the screen.

96% match. Portland, Maine, USA.

By the time everyone else had let the results sink in, Steve had already left to prepare his suit.

 

“Okay, we’ve got a very short window to get ourselves in. Seeing as we have no backup from SHIELD, we’re can’t go in all guns blazing- so Thor, Bruce, you’re sitting this one out. Clint, Nat, we’re dropping you on the roof. I’m going in on the ground level. We work our way towards each other, and hopefully one of us will find Tony. If we’re spotted, or if we get into trouble, that’s when Bruce and Thor can jump in. Hopefully it will just be an in-and-out mission, but you never know. If any of us find Tony, we send the signal through the comm, and Thor, you come pick up the people with Tony, and the remaining two get out the way they came in, understood?” Steve explained, tapping an impatient rhythm against his shield and debating weather he should just jump out of the plane right now and say fuck-you to the consequences.

The others nodded grimly and stood in silence, waiting for the signal to jump from the jet. It seemed like it was taking forever to get over the drop-zone, and every second wasted, anything could be happening to Tony.

Steve shuddered involuntarily, and wished for the billionth time that day that he hadn’t freaked out that night at the party. If he hadn’t, not only could he have finally managed to live his dream of the past year and kiss Tony, but also, he probably wouldn’t have ended up held hostage by HYDRA at all.  
I mean, come on, what sort of person, when met with the person they are head-over-heels-crazily-madly in-love-with, actually kissing them, decides it is appropriate to start a fucking _shoving match_? And then make fun of them?  
Fucking _morons_ , that’s who.

Steve needed to apologize. He needed to do a lot of things, actually, and if anything, anything had happened to Tony while he was trapped in there, Steve was going to rip those guys apart. Limb from fucking limb.

“Okay, Cap, I’m hovering over the drop-zone right now. Go get our genius back.” Bruce said from the front of the plane.

Steve wasted no time, diving out into the blackness of the night without so much a second thought.

 

Getting through the security and into the building was the hardest part. And once Steve was through that, it became more of an intense game of hide-and-seek between him and all the HYDRA guards the base was crawling with.

And not to brag or anything, but Steve had always been the best at hide-and-seek. Bucky had never been able to find him.

Granted, it may have been because he had been about as tall as your average ruler and could fit into suitcases if he really pushed himself, but still. It took skill.

Treading silently through the corridors, he hoped Bruce’s CCTV video-loop was working as well as he said it would. He wasn’t up to Tony’s level of brilliance when it came to computers, but then again, no one was. Steve trusted that Bruce wouldn’t let him down. Now, actually finding Tony was going to be the difficult part. What Steve really needed was someone willing to volunteer the information, but the chances were they were going to need a little bit of persuasion.Steve didn’t agree with torture. But that didn’t mean he wasn’t capable of it.

Peering round the corner, he waited for the next pair of guards to walk by. A few minutes delay and he was in luck- there were two burly guards stomping down the hallways in their full riot-gear and sub-machine guns.

Easy-peasy.

As they rounded the corner, Steve jumped out, lightning fast, snapping the neck of the first one before they could even yell and descending on the next, clamping a hand around their mouths before they could call for help and kicking the gun out of their hands with a well-placed roundhouse.

“If you scream I will snap your neck faster than it will take for the sound to escape out of your mouth, do you understand?” Steve whispered as he released his hand from the man’s neck and pushing them up against the wall so their ankles were dangling off the ground.

“Okay, listen real careful, ‘cause I’m only gonna say it once. Where’s T-“

“Second floor room 34, second floor room 34 please don’t kill me holy shit please!” The guard sobbed silently, tears sprouting from his eyes as he babbled the answer.

Huh. That was easy.

“ _I told them_ , Captain America, I told them not to take him from you, I was there in Siberia, I know how much you care about each other and _I TOLD THEM_ I SWEAR, don’t kill me, you can’t, I told them!” The guard was full on sobbing now, his words barely comprehensible.

Steve rolled his eyes, wondering if there was anyone on earth who didn’t know about his weird infatuation, and then punched the guy in the temple, knocking him clean out.

2nd Floor. Room 34. Better get moving.

“Widow, Hawkeye, he’s on the second floor, 34th room. I’m on my way now.” Steve said, switching his comm on for a second and then turning it off again once he was done, resuming radio-silence. Climbing the stairs, he had to take out another four sets of guards. The place was certainly heavily guarded- Steve was running out of places to hide the bodies.

Reaching the second floor, Steve began jogging through the corridors, anxious to get to Tony in time. The corridors were all numbered weirdly, and Steve was wasting time turning and retracing his steps, cursing each time he did so.

 _Fucking HYDRA._ Even their room-numbering system was fucked up.

Eventually, he turned a corner, and at the end of the corridor there were the numbers 3 and 4, their bold black letters standing out against the grey of the walls. Deciding against subtlety, Steve raised his shield up to his shoulder, and began to sprint as fast as he could toward the end of the corridor.

Steel-reinforced doors, meet vibranium and super-soldier.

Smashing through the doors with a sound louder than a gunshot, Steve’s momentum carried him halfway into the room, practically falling into the first of the huge guards.

He didn’t waste a second, tackling the guy into a wall so hard it cracked both the plaster and a few of the man’s ribs. The guard only had time to grab uselessly at Steve's head, pulling off his cowl in the process, before being knocked unconscious by the force of the collision.

He heard the sound of a gun being drawn from it’s holster thanks to his enhanced hearing, and quickly spun himself around, using the guard as human shield as four shots rang through the room.

“STOP OR I’LL SHOOT HIM IN THE FUCKING HEAD!” The guard with the gun shouted, turning his hand so the gun was pointed directly at Tony’s face. The man’s hand was shaking- he was terrified, obviously.

Slowly, Steve dropped the now very-much-dead body he had been using for protection and raised his hands, taking the time to scan the room as he did.

He had managed to end up on the other side of the room, standing behind Tony and looking straight into the corridor ahead as the door lay in shards beneath their feet. The man with the greasy hair was nowhere to be seen, but Steve was going to find him sooner or later, so that wasn’t much of an issue. He could see Tony struggle as he tried to turn and face the action- which was good. Movement was always good. Steve hadn’t got the chance to look at Tony since his rather dramatic entrance; he had no idea how bad Tony’s injuries were.

Plus, no doubt his arrival had probably alerted every guard in the building by now. He probably needed to get a move on.

An idea formed in his mind- an idea that made him want to roll his eyes and cringe at the cliché of it, but the guard was dumb and afraid and it would probably work. As he raised his hands higher, he let his gaze flicker for a second toward the corridor, and then back to the man with the gun. Then he did it again, this time it was an obvious stare, and he let his eyebrows rise and his eyes widen in pretend shock.

Sure enough, the idiot guard fell for it, turning away just for a second to look down the corridor. And a second was more than enough time for Steve to surge forward, bat the gun away so it was nowhere near Tony, and elbow the man in the face so hard it broke his jaw and knocked him clean out.

“Well that was violent,” Tony mumbled, as his eyes flickered over the mangled face of the guard

Steve knelt down so he was face to face with Tony, and rested his hands on either side of the man’s face, checking him over for injury. His eye was dark purple and swollen, and there was a heavily bleeding cut above his eye that was dripping down all over his face. From Steve’s brief assessment, it looked like he had cracked his ribs at the very least. Tony also appeared to have a sprained right wrist, not to mention the horribly suspicious-looking bruise on Tony’s neck.

“He didn’t touch you, did he? I swear if he fucking-“

“Steve, Steve, don’t worry, what little remains of my honor is still intact. He… he kissed me. That was an experience I would rather forget, way too much spit there. But it’s okay, ‘cause I bit a part of his tongue off and he had to go and go get some medical attention, so I consider myself to be the winner there.” Tony rambled, frowning slightly at the memory and flexing his fingers gratefully when Steve managed to get the thick bonds undone.

Looking at Tony as he smiled tiredly at Steve, the dried blood all over his face and the black marks around his eye, battered and bruised and alive, Steve was overcome by a wave of emotion and feelings that he was sure he had never felt before, not even with Peggy, and it took every last ounce of strength not to furiously make out with Tony right there and then. Instead, he settled for letting his head fall into Tony’s shoulder and sighing in relief and exhaustion.

“ ‘m gonna kill him. When I find him. He’s gonna die.”

“Oh, I don’t doubt it. But you’re gonna have to get in line, Steve. I at least wanna get one crack at him” Tony said, and Steve could hear the smile on his lips as he pulled his hands through Steve's messy hair. It really shouldn't be Tony doing the comforting right now, but _fuck_ , Steve had been so worried and this was really unprofessional, they had to start with escaping, but Tony's hands were lovely and gentle and Steve couldn't find it in him to move.

 _“Jesus,_ Tony, I’m just so fucking glad you’re… _Jesus_. I also- I also think I got fired, not that that has anything to do with this, but whatever,” Steve whispered, exhaling a tiny little laugh and breathing in the familiar scent of lemons and popcorn and home, and he loved Tony _so much_ right now, in the middle of a fucking fortified HYDRA base, and they needed to move because no doubt someone had heard the commotion and were going to get caught but Steve just wanted to stay leaning into Tony forever, feeling the warmth of his body and the steady rhythm of his heartbeat and hearing the thrumming of the arc reactor when no one else could because no one else had Steve’s hearing, and it felt like it was just for him and-

“Fucki- _STEVE_!” Tony yelled, suddenly kicking out his legs and sending both Steve and himself crashing to the floor with the power put behind it.

And just in time, too. Steve could’ve sworn that bullet cut off a chunk of his hair.

Immediately back into soldier mode, he spun round on the floor, moving to face his attacker and launching himself across the room within the space of a second. The greasy man with the gun didn’t even have time to yell in surprise until Steve had collided with his body and sent them both tumbling out into the corridor.

 _Time to teach this fucker a lesson_ , Steve thought as he swiftly broke the man’s wrist and sent the gun toppling out of his hand.

The guy didn’t even have time to scream before Steve had hauled him onto his feet and slammed him against the wall, keeping his arms on the man’s throat and holding him two feet in the air. He was going to choke the life out of this scum- slowly, painfully.

“Steve! We’ve got to go! The reinforcements are gonna be here any minute and we don’t have time for this!” Tony said, putting his hand on Steve’s shoulder and trying to tug it away from its grip around the man’s throat.

When Steve didn’t budge, Tony ducked under Steve’s arms and then re-emerged so he was directly in between Steve and the greasy-haired man.

“Steve. I’m fine. I hurt him more than he hurt me, I promise. But we have to go. Now. There’s no point in you going to all this effort to rescue me only for us to die because you were trying to beat some manners into some insane criminal.” Tony said earnestly, and Steve didn’t really have anywhere else to look except for Tony’s dark brown eyes that were pleading with him, and he never could say no to the mad engineer anyway, so he settled for a sharp punch which shattered the man’s collarbone (because Steve is petty and a broken collarbone is really fucking painful) and then turned away, calling for Thor down his comm and requesting pickup, staying as close to Tony as he could for the whole time.

“Steve, the comms are useless here- they’ve got that jamming signal I have yet to crack yet, remember?” Tony told him, bending down to swipe a gun off the floor and checking how many rounds were in it, ignoring the pin the flared up from his rib.

Steve shut his eyes in annoyance, realizing that Natasha and Barton were probably still looking for Tony with no idea he had already been found.

Not to mention the horde of guards that Steve could hear storming up the stairs.

“Black Widow and Hawkeye are still searching the floors above us- we need to find them and then get the hell out.” Steve whispered, hauling Tony into a thin cove that only just gave them cover and darting his head to look for any other exits.

Unfortunately, they were out of luck. The only way to get to the upper floors was via the stairs. And they were occupied with angry HYDRA soldiers.

“How about we let them know where the party’s at? They can come and find us, rather than us leading HYDRA to them.” Tony said, a little grin playing on his lips that made Steve fear for his life.

Steve knew that smile. That smile meant bad, _bad_ things were about to happen.

Tony suddenly darted out of their cover, scuttling back into the room he had been held in. Cursing, Steve followed, knowing that if the guards reached this room, they were totally and utterly trapped.

“Tony, what the _hell_ are you doing? We need to get out of here!” Steve hissed grabbing Tony’s arm and trying to haul them back. But the guards were rounding the corner now, and Steve had to push them both back before anyone caught sight of them.

Tony crouched down, rifling through the dead guard’s pockets until coming back up with a strap full of grenades.

“Wanna watch a little fireworks show, Captain?” Tony asked, grinning devilishly and passing two of the four bombs into Steve’s hands.

It dawned on him then, understanding what Tony was saying. Steve couldn’t help but grin, glad that he had the fast-thinking man at his side.

“You know I do, Iron Man.” Steve replied, as he and Tony both ripped off the safety pins and launched them into the oncoming mob of Hydra Agents.

Explosions ripped through the corridor, and they both stumbled back from the shockwaves that slammed into them. Steve lifted his head off the ground, looking for Tony, who had wasted no time in sneaking out into the corridor, bending low and picking off any survivors with the gun in his left hand.

Steve stared in surprise, wondering how the hell Tony could fire a gun that accurately with his non-dominant hand. Steve himself would probably have to practice extensively in order to be that good, and he was super-soldier.

Tony caught him staring and rolled his eyes. “World’s leading weapons developer, living with a father who was making me disassemble pistols by the time I could crawl? Yeah, Steve, I know how to use a damn gun.” He muttered, wincing at the carnage in front of him and stepping over bodies to reach the stairway.

Steve picked up one of the guns from the floor and moved to stand in front of Tony as they hurried down the corridor and up the stairs. It was dark; the grenades must have fried the electrics on that floor. He could sense Tony behind him, a comfortingly warm presence as they climbed upward.

“What do you mean you got fired?” Tony asked suddenly, and Steve jumped at the break in silence.

“Well, um- I may have informed Fury that he would be better off not speaking unless he wanted me to place my shield…somewhere unpleasant.” Steve muttered, still feeling the lingering sense of anger at the man.

 

Tony stopped suddenly, and Steve turned around with his gun raised. But the only thing he saw was a hysterical Tony as he tried to contain his laughter (unsuccessfully),

“Oh my _god,_ Steve, you-you-you told Fury to shut up or, or you would shove your…shield…up his ass… _Oh my God_. Oh my God, they’re all right. I’ve ruined you. Oh my _fucking God_.” Tony wheezed, clutching Steve’s arm as he bent over laughing.

Steve looked on sourly, and pulled Tony onward hoping no-one could hear the tiny laughs that were escaping from Tony’s mouth.

“He was being an ass, okay!” Steve replied defensively.

“Jesus, Steve, you’re more polite to super villains trying their hand at world domination! What the fuck did Fury do to make you say that?”

Steve stopped, and looked away, unable to meet Tony’s eye.

“He told me I wasn’t allowed to come get you.” He said quietly.

From behind him, he heard the giggles die away abruptly. Steve kept walking, trying to keep himself focused on the mission and not on the memory of Tony’s warm laughter from a few seconds before. He couldn’t afford to get distracted now.

Then there was a hand on his arm, spinning him around and holding him there. Tony was looking up at him, standing close enough that Steve could see the tiny freckles on his nose in the half-light.

“You know, I’ve never met anyone who confuses me as much as you do, Steve.” Tony said, shaking his head a little and stepping forward to continue walking, gun raised.

“What does that mean, then?” Steve asked, turning out into the corridor of the 3rd floor.

“It means…we have company.”

“Well that makes _no_ fucking sense, Tony.”

“No, you idiot, I mean we’ve got nine HYDRA turning the corner right fucking now. Plan?” Tony asked, shuffling backward and right into Steve’s chest.

Steve peered around the corner, and sure enough, there were nine HYDRA guards, travelling in three lines of three down the corridor and heading right for them. They all had their weapons raised, and were scouring every inch of the corridor as if they expected Tony and Steve to materialize out of the walls.

“Right. Get back down the stairs. We’ll find another way to get up, I saw an elevator on my way here, we’re just gonna have to use that.” Steve ordered, beginning to turn and hurry down the stairs. But tony threw out his hand and slowed him, turning his head to whisper at him.

“We can’t. No doubt there are at least twenty soldiers coming up to meet us as we speak- we have go down this corridor, or we’ll get trapped in this stairwell and then there’s not a hope in hell we’ll survive that.”

“Okay then, Tony, you stay here. I’m going to wait until they’re right by the corner and then catch them by surprise. They’ll be distracted, so hopefully you can sneak around them-“

“Nope. Not happening. You’re good, Steve, but there’s nine of them, all with sub-machine guns, on high alert. They’ll kill you. Listen, you go first, take out the first line. I’ll go after the second row, but I’ve only got four bullets left, so get rid of the first three fast, and then help me with the last two.”

“Tony, no. As soon as they see me, they’re going to start shooting. You’ll be dead before you can fire a bullet.”

“And so will you!”

“ _Well I don’t fucking matter_ , Tony!”

Tony stopped, his eyes wide. Steve looked at him unwaveringly, counting down the seconds they had left.

Because he knew he was going to die. That was a given. There was no way both of them were walking away from this- but if he had a chance of distracting them for long enough to get tony out, then he was damn well going to take it. He could find Clint and Nat, and they could get the hell out together.

And if he was going to die, he wanted to look at Tony, properly, this one last time. Look at the fluffy hair that could never lay flat or the bright, sparkling brown eyes that looked as if they could see into your very soul.

Steve was so in love, it was ridiculous. He almost wanted to laugh, except he was going to die in about twenty seconds and that put a dampener on things.

Then Tony shoved him, hard, against the wall. Steve stared in surprise at Tony’s look of rage, his eyes so hard and sharp it scared Steve more than his impending death.

“You matter to _me_ , Steve! You can’t just go out and fucking get yourself killed trying to be the hero, not after everything I’ve ever done to try and keep you safe! _Jesus_ , Steve, don’t you _get that?_ Every time you’ve disappeared and I’ve gone out of my goddamn mind with worry, every time you’ve walked out of the tower in a stupid fucking sulk and I’ve told you I hate you but always checked up on your sorry-ass to make sure AIM or fucking whatever hadn’t snatched you off the streets. Every night of sleep lost talking to you or every day spent watching baseball or visiting some museum that I find boring but still kinda love because you always look so goddamn fascinated and happy when you’re there. You wanna know why I do that, Steve? Because _you matter to me._ More than anyone else has ever fucking mattered to me in my entire life, and _Jesus Christ_ that fucking terrifies me- but you know what, I don’t even care, because I love you Steve, I love you so fucking God-damn fucking much it feels like it’s all I’m ever capable of some days, and I don’t even care if you don’t feel the same because we have fifteen seconds before both of us get shot to shit and I’m tired of hiding how I feel. I’ve been doing it for my whole damn life and I’m pretty fucking sick of it. So no, Steve, you’re not going out there alone. We’re going together.” Tony hissed, pushing Steve against the wall again and turning away, re-checking the amount of bullets he had and listening in to the fast-approaching footsteps.

In any other situation, Steve probably would have stared blankly for a good five minutes before thinking of a reply, or processing what Tony was saying. What Steve himself had been thinking for so long now.

How long had they both been watching each other, staring longingly while the other’s back was turned? How many times could Steve have kissed him, and have Tony kiss right back? How had their feelings have been so obvious to everyone else, and yet so invisible to each other?

This was fucking typical. Fifteen more seconds until they were going to be ripped apart by machine gun fire, and now was the moment when Steve finally realized that every time Tony had smiled at him, every time he had risked life and limb to keep Steve safe, or just keep Steve happy- it had been more than just friendly.

It had been love. Hopeless, mad love.

 

So Steve kissed him.

 

Pressing Tony up against the wall, he kissed him with everything he had left. Every emotion, every time he had ever looked at Tony and fallen a little bit deeper in love, every wish and desire and feeling Steve had ever harboured was poured in, as Steve tried to tell Tony everything he wanted to say but didn’t have time to. His hands came up to tangle in Tony’s hair, and Tony’s in turn were gripping Steve’s neck and shirt, pulling their bodies closer together desperately, biting on Steve’s lip with longing.

It was the best feeling Steve had ever felt. And far, far too short.

Breaking away sadly, Steve buried his neck in Tony’s shoulder and wrapped his arms around the other man to hold him tightly.

“We were real fucking idiots.” Steve mumbled into Tony’s skin. He felt the slight heave of Tony’s chest as he giggled a little, and tried to ignore the countdown in his head and instead focus on that sound instead.

“You want them to be your last words, Rogers?” Tony asked, gently pushing him away and turning to face the bend, a smile still on his face.

“Okay, you’re right. Even though it would be a very fitting phrase to end on, if I’m honest.” Steve whispered, cocking his own machine gun and smiling across at the genius beside him.

“You’re the best damn thing that ever happened to me, Tony Stark. The best.”

_Four seconds now._

Tony looked over at him, just for a second, and then found Steve’s hand, gripping his fingertips tightly.

“Dammit, Steve- you stole my line, you little shit.”

And Steve was laughing, laughing as he suddenly raced forward, slamming himself into the very middle of the first row of soldiers, clinging on to the soldier on the right as he brought his legs up and snapped the neck of the person on the left with them, then dropping and breaking the right guy’s neck too.

He saw Tony, grinning as he shot four bullets straight between the eyes of the soldiers in front of him and then slammed a punch into the fifth.

Steve moved the gun pointed at him away with a swipe of his hands, and kicked upward from his position on the floor, right into his attacker’s abdomen. He was pretty sure a few bullet managed to end up somewhere inside him, but right now he was just focused on trying to get to Tony before the last guy with the gun did.

Tony, still engaged in hand-to-hand with someone, could see the gun being lifted on him, but could do nothing when he was still trying to avoid the bullets from the person he was already fighting.

Steve had a second. A second before he would have to watch Tony die.

Ignoring the searing pain that shot up from somewhere around his middle (bullet-wound?), Steve threw himself up and launched himself like a missile. He was hoping to be able to get to the guy and stop them from firing at all, but Steve knew that wasn’t going to happen. He knew that the only option now was getting in the way and hoping that he timed it right.

He did. He felt it.

Briefly, as he was falling to the ground, he thought he saw Clint and Nat round the corner. He hoped that it was real- someone needed to get Tony out, seeing as Steve couldn’t exactly do that any more.

The last thing he heard was Tony’s scream before his head thudded against the floor and the world turned dark.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“You shouldn’t have done that.”

 

That was the first thing Steve heard when his eyes (amazingly, surprisingly,) managed to pull themselves open.

He let his head loll to the side, where he saw Tony leaning on his elbows against Steve’s bed and staring up at him.

“Seriously. Why is it always you, Steve? Always you ending up in hospital with life-threatening injuries like a bullet about _three fucking centimetres_ away from your goddamn heart and a fucking 15% chance of survival according to the doctors. Why, the fuck am I having to wait by your bedside for six days, wondering if this bastard in front of me is actually going to wake up? I’m too old for your shit, Steve, so here’s a fucking thought- how about you stop getting yourself into life-threatening situations!” Tony yelled, the words catching on his throat as he tried not to break down, rubbing a hand over his forehead and breathing deeply.

Steve said nothing, trying to reach out and grab Tony’s hand, feel the warmth beneath his fingertips in a way he never thought he would be able to. But his hands were still disorientated and tired, so he just end ended up placing them limply of Tony’s arm and pressing into it as reassuringly a he could.

“It surprised me too, the whole ‘living’ thing. Thank god for Tash and Clint, that’s all I can say. Apparently, our lovely little bomb display didn’t only attract the attention of our friendly assassin team mates, but Thor too. He managed to find you and bring you out before any of the other HYDRA soldiers got to us, and then the rest of us snuck out from the roof.” Tony added, seemingly reading his mind.

Steve looked at Tony, who was still trying to look sour, despite the fact that there was a tiny smile battling to show through.

“You’re a fucking idiot, Steve,” Tony muttered, before bending down to press a soft kiss on Steve’s forehead, wiping the hair away from his forehead with light fingers and sweeping his other hand down Steve’s face, feeling the beautiful sound of a pulse under his fingers when his fingers slipped behind Steve’s ear.

“I know. I’m sorry. But hey, look on the bright side, I’m not dead! Yay!” Steve said, realizing how raspy his voice sounded and frowning. He tried to pull Tony down further so he could kiss him properly, but Tony only laughed lightly and pulled Steve’s hands away, gently grasping them between his own.

“Nope, I’m not kissing you when you’re still high on drugs. Plus, you might accidentally burst your stitches or something, I don’t know.”

Steve pouted sulkily, and Tony smiled, kissing him on the forehead lightly again.

“Jesus, this is hard for me too you know. We’ve got to make up for months of lost time, and yet you choose this as a good time to become an invalid. That’s just unfair, Steve.” Tony muttered, absent-mindedly running his fingers through Steve’s hair. It felt even better than when Natasha had been doing it, and that was saying something.

“Can I ask you something? Why did you…at the party-why did you push me away?” Tony asked in a small voice, as if he was unsure of himself.

Steve felt Tony’s hand begin to slide away, as if he were thinking he may have made a mistake, but Steve quickly made a grab for it, pressing it tightly and looking at Tony guiltily.

“Tony. Do you remember when that particularly pretty woman at that restaurant asked me what my name was and I waited seven seconds in silence before accidentally saying Bruce’s name instead of mine? Do you see what I’m getting at? I’m just…it was you. The guy I had been pining after for months and months, the man who looked so good in that suit I wanted to do some really questionable things to them. And then you were kissing me, and I was just kind of screaming internally, because my head was a mess and I honestly thought you hadn’t actually wanted me back for such a long time, I was convinced that whatever was happening wasn’t real. And so I, um…”

“Pushed me to the floor and called me drunken slut?” Tony finished- but his tone was playful and his hand was back in Steve’s hair, so Steve wasn’t worried.

“Yes. In essence. But I’m sorry, Tony, I really, really am. One day I swear I’m gonna learn how to deal with human beings more effectively,” Steve murmured into Tony’s hand where he had hidden his face in embarrassment.

“No, don’t. It’s endearing, if a little confusing at times.” Tony replied, finally giving in and placing a soft kiss to Steve’s lips.

Instantly, Steve wrapped his arms around Tony, ignoring the intense pain coming from his stomach and chest and focusing instead on the feeling of Tony’s mouth on his own, the sensation of Tony running his hands down Steve’s arms, how it-

“JESUS FUCKING SHIT ON A MOTHERFUCKING STICK IS THIS FINALLY FUCKING HAPPENING HOLY SHIT TASH GET IN HERE HOLY FUCKING BALLS TASH COME HERE IMMEDIATELY WE ARE GO ON MISSION STEVE-NEEDS-TO-BANG-TONY! I REPEAT WE ARE FUCKING MOTHERFUCKING GO!” Clint screamed, dropping the muffin he was holding and running over to envelop both of his friends in a crushing hug.

“Oh thank fuck, you guys, it’s happening, it’s really happening- excuse me here, I’m having a fanboy moment. YOU GUYS! IT’S BEEN MONTHS! I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO HAVE TO LOCK YOU TWO IN A CLOSET IF YOU DIDN’T GET TOGETHER SOON! NATASHA, WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU?”

“I have made a terrible mistake,” Tony uttered in horror as Clint kissed him full on the lips, then did the same with Steve, shouting in glee and hugging the nurses as they came in to check what was causing the immensely loud yells.

Natasha rushed in to see the evidence for herself, and when she caught sight of Steve gripping Tony’s hand and Tony with his head buried into Steve’s neck in embarrassment, she jumped straight into Clint’s arms and they did a victory lap around the room. Which, seeing as the place was about five feet wide, was unsuccessful.

Clint and Natasha got banned from the hospital. Tony didn’t stop laughing for five minutes.

Steve was just glad he was home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that's it, I wrote this in about three days whilst severely sleep deprived so you know, forgive me if it's shit. 
> 
> Comments and con-crit is always greatly appreciated!!


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